Happy Halloween!

Eggs, fake blood, steel cut oatmeal, and coconut
smoothed into my hair.
Lotsa make-up
=
really gross me

I had to leave the party early and come home and shower.

I am clean now.

And Happy.


We gave away lots of gummy eyeballs to the kids in our neighborhood.

I love trick or treaters!

Finding My Way

I've been reading Lao Tse's words this week. Why? Because. It's nice to contemplate something new and simple.

Here are some of my favorites:

He who knows much about others may be learned, but he who understands himself is more intelligent. He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.

Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment.

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them-that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.

One who is too insistent on his own views, finds few to agree with him.


There is more, but I'm too lazy to go and find more.

I really like this stuff. I love the power that words have to soothe and inspire.

A Calm and Collected Letter

Dear Whoever My Boss is:

I would address you personally, but I have no idea who I report to.

Today has been a "not too hot" day.

I was unable to print off my assignments this morning on the faculty printer.

I was asked to send students to see their advisor during a class break. I did, and the advisor kept them for over an hour.

I received exactly 1/5th my paycheck today because the powers that be are under the impression that I'm only teaching 2 classes. I'm teaching 4. How does half the classes equal 1/5 the pay?

Some stranger is going to call me to talk about my class load for next quarter. Is he my boss?

I don't know who to take these complaints to. Everyone is over different aspects of my job. I have no idea who to talk to about these things.

And finally, I'm sitting in the library because I've been asked to stay after work and tutor students--and no one is here.

Apparently, I'm being paid for my hours as a tutor, but who knows if I'll actually see the money for it.

Sincerely,

A frustrated Adjunct professor who would someday like to have health insurance and an income that doesn't change every 5 weeks.

Finding the Right Attitude

Yesterday I confessed to Sarah and Mike that I think life might be easier if I just made the mental leap into singlehood. Mike said I should stop thinking that way, and I agree. I talked with another friend who is thinking about freezing her eggs so that when she meets the right guy, she'll be able to have children. Yesterday's conversations were filled with all sorts of things to freak me out about getting older and being single.

There are a few attitudes to explore here:

1) Choose to be married.
2) Choose to be single.
3) Get dragged into a wrong marriage.
4) Be a bitter singleton.

Attitude 1: Choose to be married.

This is the future I prefer. I would love to happily choose someone wonderful because they make me happy.

Attitude 2: Choose to be single.

There are great things about being single. You can travel. (I have a friend going to Angor Wat in 3 weeks.) Sarah has been to Guatamala, Puerto Rico, California, NYC, Philly, etc this year. She's spending Christmas in London and Vienna. You can go to movies whenever, and shop and eat out, etc.

Attitude 3: Get dragged into a wrong marriage.

This happens as a result of fear. Fear of losing choices, fear of everything.

Attitude 4: Be a bitter singleton.

You can't control love. You just can't.

I don't want to be a bitter singleton. I want to choose to be where I am in life.

I feel like I have double-check how much I hope for things. If I hope too much, than with every day that passes, I might miss out on the joy of being in the moment. If I don't hope enough, than am I missing out on opportunities to date and meet the right guy?

I have a lot of friends outside the church who have no desire to be married. We're taught to hope for these things in the church, but I wonder if I'm doing myself a disservice by hoping for something that I don't have. Am I missing out on the joys of life by overthinking things I can't control?

Yes.

So this week is going to be about exercising control over those things I can control. I just need to feel like I have a little bit of control. I don't need to see end results--I just need to exercise control over life instead of feeling like life is controlling me.

I am going to wake up early. I am going to eat good foods, exercise, read scriptures, prepare for my lecture. I am going to talk to good friends, plan vacations, and dress up.

As for my attitude about being married or single? After this weekend, I don't know that I could stop hoping for it even if I tried. This sucks. But, hey? Whaddya gonna do?

Soundry Poe Show

This is our very serious cast picture. Some people look fantastic when they don't smile.
Others just look grumpy.

Practicing music.

The Soundry Space before setting up for the show. Love the garage door!! It made for a thrilling back drop.

Figuring out physical pictures. (ie, ways to make yourself sore in the morning.)

This weekend the Poe cast performed at The Soundry in Vienna. We did 2 shows.

Here are some pics.

Enjoy!
(I despise how fat I look in the pics, but hey--if you wanna look skinny--lose weight!)

Just watch.

Baby Brother

Nick, sweet young Nick. My little brother likes a girl!

I can't believe he's old enough to like a girl! But he does. And what's more--she likes him back!

She is apparently wonderful. I asked him what he liked about her and he said something about how she is so happy. I love that!

While thinking of young love, I heard Chicago's song "Will You Still Love Me?" on the radio today. What a great love song! They just don't write them like they used to.

The above picture is horrible of me--but very cute of Nick. See how I sacrifice?

I can't believe he's going to be 17.

Tomorrow I have to find a truck and a bunch of chairs for Friday night's show. If anyone in DC knows anyone, gimme a ring!

Sunday Thoughts

Sunday afternoon thoughts:

It's too cold.

I need to read scriptures.

I'm so glad I didn't eat my tuna melt last night at the restaurant because it tastes so good in my belly right now!

My girls in young women are incredible. They started a new program that they call "warm and fuzzies". They made this jar where other girls can drop compliments in the jar and every week we can read some of the compliments in class. As the girls stood to describe it, they said, (keep in mind these are 15 and 16 year old girls) "The world defines beauty so narrowly, but our divine nature makes all of us beautiful people. We want to use this as a means to remember our worth, so that when we're feeling down or less than, we can regain our confidence and remember our divine nature."

Helloooo!! Oh my word.

So yeah, those are the young women in my ward.

I had a wonderful, amazing day yesterday. A very cute guy drove all the way from DC to see the show and we had a great time driving home together. Nothing like a 4 hour drive (with several stops along the way) to get to know someone better.

Mission accomplished.

The magic of motels

I'm in Roanoke, VA staying in a wonderful motel. The sheets are white and crisp and clean. The shower was heaven and I am luxuriating in the morning.

We opened the show in Floyd last night after doing a great workshop at the local high school. It was a great day.

Last night, we drove up to Roanoke and tonight we're performing at the Dumas. But more than anything--I have enjoyed a morning to myself. It's been an incredibly long and busy last two weeks. I didn't realize how 24/7 my life has been lately. But this morning, everything just calmed down.

I had a lot of concerns running through my mind last night. My brain would not shut up!

I woke up this morning and just decided that today is going to be one of the best days of my life.

I decided this as I cuddled into the soft sheets.

And so I woke up, took a long shower. I am curling my hair, wearing a hot outfit. I'm going to wear too much make-up and feel like a hottie patottie.

Because today WILL BE an amazing day.

The end.

Favorites Part 1

New Quarter. Less chill time. But--I still love and adore my job.

Just less chill time.

So, as promised, here is an exploration of the things that I personally love. I feel the need to make these lists so that I don't make up new answers to these questions just to appease the hot guy asking the questions. Think of Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride. I don't want to be the girl who wanted her eggs cooked however the guy wanted his eggs cooked. (This probably makes no sense to anyone.) I just don't want to accidentally lose myself in an effort to find a good guy.

Sooooo, here are some lists that will be important to remember.

Favorite food:
Cookies and Cream Ice cream
Panang Curry --(chicken)
Mashed Potatoes
BBQ Chicken Salad
I prefer hamburgers without buns

Top 5 Places I want to live someday:
1. On an island --(warm breezes)
2. In a big city--(high rise apartment)
3. Cedar City, Utah--(love the hiking and the Shakespeare Festival--close to family, and no inversion!)
4. London
5. Anywhere exotic for a bit.
6. I love DC. I love living here. I didn't list it in the top 5 because it feels so everyday right now. But it's a great place to be.

Top 5 Things to do in my spare time:

1. Go to a movie or show or game. (all 3 count as one because it's basically the same thing.)
2. Play in the Ocean or river.
3. Laugh with friends and family
4. Rehearse for a show.
5. Clean the house or create something. (Cleaning can be very therapeutic.)

I'll add more later. I have to teach a lecture on the ancient history of Africa tonight.
Yep.
I gotta go read a whole bunch of stuff.

#1 Least Favorite thing to do:
Cram for a lecture you're not prepared to teach.

Compromise

My friend Morgan and I were discussing how as women in the church, we dream in compromises.

We choose careers that fit conveniently with the goal of family. Her goal is to teach music out of her home and to perform in community theatre productions in her spare time. I currently have a great job teaching. This job affords me plenty of time to raise a family, should that opportunity come.

We are taught to shape our desires around our responsibilities--even if those responsibilities don't exist.

I was thinking about other things I compromise on--other desires that get compromised based on this goal to someday have a family.

Location. I cannot run off to some phd program in a small town somewhere because I will have no chance of dating good LDS guys. I cannot run off to Aruba to live on the beach, because living alone on the beach is boring. Same goes for building a big old house in the country.

I live in DC because I have a great job, but I also live here because there is a huge population of professional, post grad LDS singles here.

I feel myself compromising everything. I wonder if I actually like anything I like. I wonder what it is that I want and need. I am capable of being happy anywhere. I've learned that important skill. And so if a guy comes along who I love who says, "I love living in Alaska! Do you think you could live there?" I could probably say, "Yep! Count me in!" And I would be very happy, I'm sure. I'd be cold, but I could find a way to be happy.

But if it is was all up to me. . .

If there was no one else to please but me . . . And I had this amazing promise that at 33 I would meet an incredible guy and everything would work out wonderfully. . . regardless of where I chose to live today or what I chose to do . . .

I really need to explore that. Lists are forthcoming. What about you? If you weren't tied down to a location, a mortgage. If you had all the money in the world, and all the time in the world--how would you fill your day? Who would you listen to? What would you do with your spare time? (pretend like you have some in this dream world.)

Friday Night Excitement

I am a successful, hot, single lady. It is a Friday night in DC. What am I doing, you ask?

Well, let me tell you . . .

1. Eat leftover porkchops. (mmmm tasty!)
2. Read Dan Brown's latest book.
3. Prepare a handout for my online seminar for tomorrow.
4. Email people.
5. Fall asleep on the couch.
6. Sort of watch Monk, but really just sleep through it.
7. Wake up and eat some chocolate chips.
8. Wish I hadn't missed Project Runway. Watch "Models of the Runway" instead. (Not a fitting replacement.)
9. Decide to blog.
10. Check out baseball stats on ESPN.

I hope you're all jealous of my exciting life. I know, I know. You wish you were me. . . ha ha ha.

True Beauty

I think I'm pmsing.

I stayed up late to catch NieNie on Oprah last night.

As I think back to different parts of the interview, I keep welling up in tears. There's something life changing just looking at them. Her looks defy literal description, but the only words that I could imagine as I looked at her with her husband Christian were "beautiful", "queenly", "graceful".

It's hard to imagine how it is possible that a person with 80% of her body covered in scars and burns could exude such light and beauty, but she does.

I feel overwhelmed with the gift of sight. More than that, I feel that everyone else sees the exact same thing that I see. I'm overwhelmed with the power of true beauty.

I think of my own insecurities, my need to be thinner, to be prettier. We're surrounded by influences that make us feel less than who we are. When we believe them, regardless of our literal beauty, we exude a homely quality. But, if we allow ourselves to feel the innate, indestructible beauty of our souls--our loveliness will outshine any mortal flaws.

Proverbs 31:

10 ¶ Who can find a ^avirtuous ^bwoman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely ^atrust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her ^ahands.

14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She ^ariseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the ^adistaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the ^apoor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her ^aclothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her ^aclothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of ^akindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of ^aidleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and ^abeauty is vain: but a woman that ^bfeareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

How to become the most popular teacher without really trying

Today was the last day of my Ethics class. I loved this class!

Today they were to present on an ethical dilemma. They were to choose a controversial topic and discuss it using the tools we had discussed throughout class. They prepared great powerpoints, brought in outside perspectives, etc. One student interviewed a pastor at a church that allowed gay marriage to get his unique religious perspective.

I was so proud of them!

And sooooo . . . .

During the final, they were allowed to bring in 1 page with notes that they could use on the test.

I asked everyone to pull out their 1 page of notes so I could see if they had prepared well for the final. Each of them had a piece of paper covered from top to bottom, front and back with facts and figures that they might need for the final.

After looking over their cheat sheets, I announced:

NO FINAL! Go home!!

They jumped up and screamed with joy. Laughter filled the room. Several of them hugged me. I even saw a few tears. Seriously.

I told them, "Why would I make you rewrite all the info you painstakingly wrote last night? Did you learn anything from creating your cheat sheet?"

All of them, "Yes!"

Me: "Great! Go home!"

(cue mass exodus)

The Morning After

After writing the last blog, I stayed up later because I couldn't tear myself away from the entertaining programming on Lifetime at 1am.

At 2am, I finally pulled myself up the stairs where I laid in bed until 3am trying to find a way to shut my brain down.

My head was pounding, but my brain would not shut off.

Two positive things that came out of my late night--I got to chat with my little brother Matt for a while about how his life is going, and I got to chat with my friend MB in NYC about her life for a bit. Nothin' like insomnia to provide a means of strengthening relationships.

I'm going to fall asleep at my desk. My students are taking the English final. I'm sure there are other things I could be doing that would make my life easier, but I just want to blog my insane stream of conscience.

So, yep. I'm a little hungry. Slept in this morning. Luckily, I made muffins last night, so I enjoyed a cranberry muffin on the way to work. Yep. Might see a movie this afternoon before my evening class, might just sleep in the car for a bit. Probably should grade more papers though.

And there you have it! This boring moment in the life of Eve was brought to you by the letter "Q"! As in, "How quaint!" "Isn't it queer that he gave me markers for my birthday?" and "Quit your complaining and get back to work!" "Q".

Up too late

It's late and I'm still up. What is my deal? I need to be in bed. It's just so nice to have everything done. Tomorrow will be so long and so busy and right now, I'm done with everything. Tomorrow I will start doing on tomorrow's business.

I love being done.

I want to stay up and relish being done with everything.

I love this feeling. But in 2 seconds, I'm going to go upstairs and enjoy the feeling of sleep.

Very Blessed

This weekend was lovely. I pushed myself to the brink this week--Friday night I collapsed, unshowered and exhausted on my bed. I watched some hulu and just chilled out.

My roommate Sarah was having a party--and I slowly made my way towards the shower so I could get ready to go downstairs and be a little social. It was good to meet the people that she went to Guatamala with. Then Clay and I went to a movie, but didn't make it to the movie. Instead, we went to dinner. After dinner, we came back to the party and I hung out with the dregs of the party until 2:30am, when Marcia and I took Sarah and pals to the Chinatown bus.

On Saturday, I was knocked out by the announcement that Brigham City is getting a temple!! I called my mom--because my family is in Tremonton--and this is the closest we'll ever get to having a temple in Tremonton. When I called, she picked up the phone and immediately said, "Why aren't you watching conference?" Clearly she wasn't watching conference or she'd know exactly why I was calling her!! Ha ha!

Saturday afternoon, a few people came over to watch conference and enjoy some porkchops. Then a couple of girls and I went and saw the new movie Bright Star

What a wonderful movie!!! It's rated PG and it is delightful.

Go see it!

This morning, I enjoyed a wonderful breakfast with Bill and we watched the morning session together. Bill is a great friend. We will never be more than friends--which made the morning incredibly relaxed. After that, I spent the afternoon with Christina. And tonight, I had eggplant parmesan with Sam and Audi.

I feel very blessed. Sometimes you just need to be cradled, to be supported and loved. I feel incredibly cradled right now. I spent the weekend with friends who offered me support and love. And the talks that I heard, when I wasn't crashed out--were wonderful. I can't wait to listen to them this week.

Facebook Gems

Everyday I go on facebook and giggle at the clever wit of my friends.

This week has been particularly HIlarious.

Enjoy! (I want to give credit where credit is due, but despite their willingness to share on facebook, I'm not sure they want their words on my little blog. So--first names only.)

Colleen: Today's assignment for everyone: find a stranger, grab their hand and say, "let's do this!" Then walk over to a curb and jump off, pretending it's a big cliff, while shouting out, "I REGRET NOTHING!" Then help that stranger set up their own library card.

Caroline: would like to remind Quinn that he is generally a very happy baby who is very loved, and with this in mind should probably stop crying and screaming like a child who is possessed by the devil.

Robin: Michael is chasing his shadow in circles. It looks remarkably like a dog chasing its tail...except with a lot more laughter.

Robin: Michael is currently running in circles yelling "Oops, I lost my mind!" Earlier he was extoling the virtues of the fuzzy. There is a fine line between insanity and genious.

Carl: is grading tests, and can't help but wonder if cell texting and bad penmanship/generally crappy spelling are inversely related...

Jason: Just got an advance copy of the Sarah Palin book "Going Rogue: An American Life." It's a box of magnetic refrigerator poetry, and a half done jumble. It's still better than I thought it would be.

Jessica: wants Paulie not to be sick anymore. And not just so that he will have a miracle surge of energy and put away all of the baby things and put together the bassinet and wash all the clothes in the special non-smelly detergent so she doesn't have to. ♥

Jessica: is taking Fetus to his baby shower! He is hoping for cake.

Bernard: would like to thank his dad, mom, and brother for breaking him out of prison last night. You guys are the best!!!

Bernard: Dear God: Thank you for the care package-- the gray hair makes me look really old! Any word yet on my acne subscription cancellation? Just checking. As always, love your work with boobs and beer. Yours when I need things, Bernard


Have a great day!