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today

Monday was great! I taught my classes and graded papers. I worked non-stop from 7am to 10pm. It was great! I put out fires, inspired students, and took care of business!

Tuesday was great! Another 15 hour day. I graded papers whenever I wasn't teaching or tutoring.

Wednesday I had a make-up class, did some one on one tutoring, went to a wonderful Black History luncheon and presentation where my students had prepared a beautiful meal, and graded papers. Lots of papers. I went to dinner with a group of friends for Bill's birthday and enjoyed hearing Bill pluck his guitar and sing bluegrass.

These were good days. I need to appreciate these good days.

Nights are not so good. I am eating too much, flirting with all the wrong people--people I would never actually date--so why do I respond to their messages!! Stupid stupid stupid. And today, I'm chilling in my robe, eating spaghetti and watching television.

The first part of this blog is to make myself feel better about vegging for a day.
The second part of this blog is to give a cheer to all my brothers and sisters out there who have these days where they feel like they are failing at life.

I realize this is entirely too dramatic. Even as I type this, I feel a little stupid for feeling guilty for sitting here cuddled under a blanket, chomping on m&ms and wishing that I hadn't devoured the entire carton of Ben and Jerry's last night. (sigh) I guess this means I'm gonna have to put on a bra and go and get some more. :)

Tomorrow will be a great day. Today I will get over myself and try and dig up some candy in the house so I don't have to get dressed.

Look at your man . . .

My Visiting Teaching Lesson

I went visiting teaching today. My friend taught me a wonderful lesson, and so I'm going to record it so I don't forget it!

She has three children--a boy and two girls--and she is expecting her fourth child in 2 months. She told me that she and husband were discussing all their worries about things that are out of their control. They talked about how sleepovers, playdates, activities--all of these seemingly innocent rites of passage have so many dangers connected with them. It can be overwhelming.

They decided that rather than obsess about how to protect their kids from everything--they would work to teach their children the skills necessary to be able to heal and overcome trials when they most certainly came.

She said that in this life, at this time in the world, it is unrealistic to think that you can protect your children from everything and that the best thing that they can do as parents is to prepare their children to be able to bounce back and grow from their hardships.

I was so inspired! Her words were so realistic and comforting.

Is the world going to hell in a handbasket? YES! But do we need to jump in that basket and fall down to hell with the rest of the world? NO!

Perhaps this is obvious, but it was so eye opening for me.

You might not be able to protect children from everything--but you can teach them to cope.

Moving

I am moving.

I have loved this beautiful house.

I lived with wonderful people and we had a ball. From giant Thanksgiving dinners with over 40 guests, to sleeping out on the deck when the power went out and it was just too hot to sleep inside!

I lived here from August 2007 to Feb 2010. That is a LOOOONG time in Eveyland.

But I find that moving is a necessary part of life. I like the purging that comes with moving. It is a great new adventure that requires me to step beyond my comfort zone. I love conquering new ground. In my life I have moved a lot. I like it. I like finding the new grocery store, finding the best routes to work, the gym, the drycleaners.

What's horrible--I live within walking distance of the grocery store, Chipotle, a great Thai restaurant, the drycleaners--etc. And I'm leaving this beautiful place!!

But--I need the cleansing of a move. I need the sanctification of a move.

So on Saturday, I'm moving to a new place with all new challenges. And hopefully a nearby Thai restaurant! (I'll still be in the DC area--just a different town.)

Goodbye Westmore place! (I'll probably write another ode to this place.)

Hopefully, the best is yet to come!

Greg Laswell, again

I went and saw Greg Laswell last night at DC9. I love this venue.

I metroed in to avoid parking calamities because the cars are covered in snow and driving and parking is ridiculous and dangerous right now.

I arrived at DC9 at 5 and sat at a table near the window. It is a dark little bar right off U Street. (Just 3 blocks from Ben's Chili Bowl and the 9:30 Club.) The bouncer was very nice and there was an air of artistic generosity in the place. As I sat at the table waiting for Lindsy to arrive, I saw Greg Laswell himself through the window. I smiled at him in recognition, but didn't wave or do anything to draw attention to him. He walked in and headed upstairs to a private area to chill out before the show.

When Lindsy arrived we both freaked out a little at having just seen Greg--her outside and me inside.

Then we ate delicious juicy hamburgers.

The opening act left me wanting. His melodies were too complicated to be real melodies--and although he kept retuning his guitar--his voice was off pitch. Perhaps he had a cold. I'm not sure. There's nothing quite like a catchy tune--and there was nothing catchy about his tunes. And his lyrics were contrived and cliche. His songs were the product of too much effort and not enough instinct.

I could have forgiven him, I might have forgiven him, but then Greg Laswell came out on the stage.

He opened with "What A Day."

I stood 3 feet from him--front row. The moment he began to finesse the keyboard--the haunting, simple melody of a real song just overwhelmed me and I audibly gasped at how beautiful music can be when it comes together so effortlessly. Just listen to the the part of the song. And then the lyrics. His music is so simple and yet so perfect.

The whole concert was a joy. He told great jokes and just enjoyed the crowd. And we enjoyed him. It was a delight. I avoided snapping too many pictures because I was too close to him. I didn't want to take from the moment. So I just enjoyed.

Here's some of his music to enjoy--as found on youtube.

Enjoy!

Valentine's Day!

Is on Sunday!

Yippee! Skippee!

I hate this holiday.

I went on a first date with a guy tonight. I was so nervous. I went because--it's Valentine's Day.

Ugggggggh.

Luckily, he didn't push anything. We had a good time. He was very nice and we had a great meal.

We have NOTHING in common.

But he is good looking, smart, and very nice. But I just don't see it happening. Maybe--he wants to go out again.

Why can't I convince myself to care anymore?

I did the dating thing. I'm done. I'm officially done.

I believe in love. I've seen it. I've felt it. But I just don't want to want it anymore. So I don't care.
And if that ain't a Happy Valentine's Day message--I don't know what is! I just love seeing everyone's happy pictures on facebook. I truly am happy for you--but I just don't feel that way about anyone right now. And I'm not going to make myself love someone just so I can have a good time at this random holiday.

I got a tasty free meal though. . . and to end this truly pathetic post . . .

. . .In happier news, Lesley had her baby girl this week. I cried when I saw the picture. Little Maebel Losa. Yay baby girl!! Congratulations!!!

A Winter Survey of Sorts

Have I been working on next quarter's syllabi?
(No.)
Have I been grading midterms?
(No.)
Have I been cleaning and packing in preparation for my move in 2 weeks?
(No.)

Have I been a cross stitching maniac?
YES!
Have I shoveled the back deck that was filled with 54 inches of snow?
YES!
Is the backyard currently filled with snow so high you could jump off the deck into it?
YES!
Did I clear the front driveway of snow?
YES!

Should I get back to work preparing lectures and grading tests?
(yes.)
Should I pack boxes and get ready to move?
(yes.)

Will I watch Thursday night tv while cross stitching tonight instead of working?
YES!

Eager

I got a little eager this weekend paying bills.

And I kinda sorta over did it.

I am getting my tax return NEXT week.

I am getting paid NEXT week.

But while stuck in the house--THIS week--I paid my bills.

Stupid. Stupid.

I overdrew my accounts.

Yet another silverlining. Who needs to go shopping or to a movie when you don't have money? Bring on the storm! I shall be crossstitching! And crocheting!

(hangs head in shame)

I hate snow.

I am now officially sick of the snow.

It's very pretty. There. I said something positive.

I decided to adventure out and see how the rest of the world was doing. (I've been trapped in my house since Friday. I did some shoveling yesterday, so I've been outside--but I haven't been out of the neighborhood since Friday morning.)

I put on my boots, my scarf, my jean jacket, my green coat and my striped gloves. One glove is green and blue, and the other is black and white. I knew it was a good idea to get an extra pair of gloves! I grabbed the top of the yellow broom and used it as a walking stick. I made my way through the ice and slush. I passed a few brave cars and other pedestrians. I passed Angelina's SUV. It's stuck. There's no way to dig it. You can't fit a shovel in between her car and the car next to hers. And the biggest problem--there's no where to put the snow! The yards are packed with giant drifts.

The snow was melting into gigantic puddles and drifts, but I felt like a great adventurer with my yellow walking stick. I happily bought some eggs and milk.

Then I walked home.

It was a lovely adventure.

I am so sick of being here!!!

I don't know whether I need to be at work tomorrow or not. I can make it out if I need to, but it's not safe. And tomorrow we're getting another 10 inches of snow! So yeah. . . .

Not. Cool.

Luckily the power only went out for a few hours Saturday night.

I need to get a plan together for tomorrow's classes in case we're canceled again. I need to email students lectures and their midterm. Uggh. Too much of a headache!

But in other news, I've kept it together with this new eating less thing and I've lost a total of 8 pounds. This is good. More than anything though, it's starting to make a difference in my clothes.

Things That Make Me Vomit

Let's make a list of things that make us vomit.

I'll start.

Valentine's Day Commercials.

Now it's your turn! What makes you wanna hurl?

Magic Food

Remember the pictures I posted back on Dec 19th? Well, imagine I just reposted the same pictures. It's crazy. The snow started falling yesterday at 11am, and it just stopped about a half hour ago. (It's 5:20pm.)

I just saw a neighbor ski down the street.

I told Mike to come over yesterday and get snowed in with us. Mike is family. So Angelina, Sade, Mike and I are all just lounging around the house trying to enjoy ourselves so it doesn't feel too much like prison.

But in all reality, driving is out of the question.

Church is cancelled, again.

But the stores are within walking distance. Mike went and got a slurpee this morning and a bunch of junk food.

I am still trying to eat healthy. I made whole wheat apple coffee cake for breakfast. It was healthy and tasty! I put a little bit of sugar in it--just because others were eating it as well--and that's the most sugar I've had in a week.

I've lost the same six pounds that I lost last weekend when I first started this journey, but it's not about the weight loss. I have so much more energy.

I have discovered tasty ways to eat veggies. I tell myself that I can't eat a piece of fruit until I've had a vegetable. For every strawberry, I need a piece of brocolli. For every blueberry, I need to eat a leaf of spinach. Frankly, without all the triggers, I find that I'm not really hungry ever.

I have learned to eat often enough to never get hungry though. I find that if I always say yes to my body, I don't have these crazy hunger pangs.

For the first 4 days, the headaches were pretty horrible though. But I decided that pain was an indicator that I was doing something right.

Rather than decide "No sugar!" or "All Meat!" --I'm trying to just have balance and moderation. I am trying to eat only wholegrains. And I'm trying to eat lots of veggies. I am really enjoying fruit.

More than anything though, I'm counting calories really faithfully.

I'm letting myself eat out and eat what I want--but I have to count it. And it makes such a difference when you realize that eating one thing is fine--but it will wipe out your calories for the day. It also makes a huge difference when you realize that the tasty blueberry/spinach snack only took up 45 calories!

I've decided that certain foods are magical. I eat them because they are filled with magic. Raw brocolli tastes like dirt, but it's magical. Somehow this makes it easier to choke down. Raw spinach--magical. Mangos--magic. Apples--magic. Green beans--green magic.

You get the point.

I'm enjoying this new way of viewing food. I wish I was losing weight faster. I realized the other day that I'm probably not eating enough. I've decided to raise my caloric intake a bit. I worked out on Thursday and woke up yesterday completely out of it. I decided to research how much I should be eating. Apparently, I need to be eating 1940 calories for my height and weight. (I weight a lot.) I have been eating around 1100 calories everyday. So, I've upped my calories to about 1400. It's still not enough, but I'm just not hungry.

Even though fruit is tasty and magical--it's still not an Oreo McFlurry. So what's the point in eating an extra 500 calories of fruit and veggies? I guess I could have some chicken or something.

Well, back to watching hulu. Here's hoping we'll be able to dig out by Monday morning.

Knitting (I mean Crocheting)

I am learning how to knit (crochet). I love how it requires so much of my concentration. When Robin was teaching me, she told me that you had to relax in order to create stitches that were relaxed.

So far I've created two amazing creations.

That's right, I said it, amazing.

The first creation looks like a hat because I totally messed up on keeping things the same length.

The second creation is unfinished. It could be a very long wash cloth, or a very short scarf.

I was working on my knitting (crocheting) on a plane from Iowa to Detroit. An Amish woman who was traveling to Pennsylvania to visit her sister commented on my knitting. She was so sweet. I wish I had spent more time talking to her, but I really just wanted to chill in my own quiet world and knit.

I find myself feeling the need for solitude more often than not. I appreciate people and friends--but I really like how it feels to just sit in silence and enjoy the moment without talking. I don't want to process. I don't want to solve. I just want to be. Sometimes talking can be so exhausting.

I enjoy the moments where I can just be with a friend and chill out watching tv, knitting, cooking, whatevs. I just want to chill.

Knitting (crocheting) is a great new way to just chill.

I don't even care that I'm crap at it!

(If this post seems distracted, it's because I'm kinda sorta watching America's Next Top Model while typing this. )

And I'm a dork. I totally thought I was knitting--but I just realized that I'm crocheting. Oh well!

Self Portrait

My hair is in a low pony tail. I did wash it this morning.
My eyes have a dark ring of eyeliner and mascara--but it's covered by my purple and turquoise rimmed glasses.
My lips are chapped and ready for more chapstick.
I have 6 zits spread sporadically across my face.
I'm wearing little diamond studs. The same ones I've worn for the past 3 weeks.
I'm sitting in a long wool swing coat with big buttons. Only the top button is done up.
I have a nice pink and black shirt on--but you'll never see it because wearing the coat gives me access to warmth and large pockets--both of which I appreciate right now.
I'm wearing a long black skirt that comes just above my ankles.
I had planned to wear my black leather boots, so I put on two mismatched black trouser socks--one long and one short. At the last minute, I decided that I did not want to wear long leather boots--but that I would prefer to wear my black and white airwalks with flourescent pink hearts.

I'd take a picture, but you get the gist.

1 long sock, 1 short sock sticking out from underneath a long coat and a fancy black skirt.

I look like a bag lady.

And that would be my day.

Other than that--things are great!

I have a massive headache from not eating sugar, but after a weekend of projectile vomiting--I've decided to try and ween myself from all unhealthy foods. It's easy to do this when the thought of eating again makes you want to--well, projectile vomit.