Happy Easter!

"No words in Christendom mean more to me than those spoken by the angel to the weeping Mary  Magdalene and the other Mary when, on the first day of the week, they approached the tomb to care for the body of their Lord. Spoke the angel: 

'Why seek ye the living among the dead?

He is not here, but is risen.'

Our Savior lived again. The most glorious, comforting, and reassuring of all events of human history had taken place--the victory over death. The pain and agony of Gethsemane and Calvary had been wiped away. The salvation of mankind had been secured. The Fall of Adam had been reclaimed. 

The empty tomb that first Easter morning was the answer to Job's question, 'If a man die, shall he live again?' To all within the sound of my voice, I declare, If a man die, he shall live again. We know, for we have the light of revealed truth. 

For since by man-came death, by man came also the resurrection of the dead. 'For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.' I have read-and I believe-the testimonies of those who experienced the grief of Christ's Crucifixion and the joy of His Resurrection. I have read-and I believe-the testimonies of those in the New World who were visited by the same risen Lord. 

I believe the testimony of one who, in this dispensation, spoke with the Father and the Son in a grove now called sacred and who gave his life, sealing that testimony with his blood. Declared he:

'And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives! For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father.'

The darkness of death can always be dispelled by the light of revealed truth. 'I am the resurrection, and the life,' spoke the Master. 'Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you.' "

Pres. Thomas S. Monson

Today I am grateful for my Savior. 

Rest

Rehearsal was canceled for me this morning. I should fold laundry. I should vacuum. I should make lunches. I should go for a walk. Instead I am just lying here.

The stupid ice cream truck is playing a stupid song. Doesn't he realize there's a woman trying to avoid moving?

Today I'm grateful the ice cream truck finally went away.

The Liebster Award

Miss Megan nominated my bloggy for a Liebster Award... Thanks Miss Megan! You can read her writings at The Dizzy Dandelion. 

So here's the low down on this beautiful award. (I've already printed off a picture of the above...my printer is black and white so I need to color it in... and I shall wear it pinned to my tee-shirt.)

Wait. What was I saying?

The Low Down! The rules!

Here they are: 

The Fun Rules:

• The nominee must link back to the blogger who nominated them.
• The nominee must state 11 facts about themselves, and then answer the 11 questions provided for them by the person who nominated them.
• The nominee must then nominate bloggers with less than 200 followers, who they think deserve the recognition, and pose 11 new questions for them to answer.

Here are 11 facts about me:
1. I am a natural redhead. 
2. I am currently eating Chester's Puffcorns and listening to myself sing songs on my recorder from last night's rehearsal. 
3. When I was a little girl I would sing, "Somewhere Out There" out my window and pray that a casting agent was listening from the field behind my house. Cause they do that. 
4. My parents were divorced when I was 11. 
5. I grew up with a slew of siblings as a result of my parents' subsequent marriages. I am awfully fond of them. 
6. My favorite place in the world is at the beach. I love swimming in the waves. Water is magical. There's nothing like feeling the water lift you off the sand and carry you. It's like flying. 
7. I'm horrible with money. 
8. My love life is complicated. I am looking for my match. This is hard. 
9. I've always felt overweight. Always. I wouldn't even know what it felt like to feel thin. 
10. I really like that moment of going to bed--but for some reason, I have always had a hard time getting myself to go to bed at a decent hour. 
11. My politics are a complicated mix of libertarian and liberal. But my personal code of ethics is pretty strict. And I love that I have the freedom to decide that. 

Questions from Miss Megan:

1. What was your favorite toy as a child? I loved my Strawberry Shortcake doll because she had red-hair like me, she was soft, and she smelled like strawberries. 
2. What do you do when you are sad? When I'm sad, I sing. I turn up sad songs on my ipod in the car and I belt away. Or I cry. 
3. What did you want to be when you grew up? I imagined myself doing a lot of things. I always wanted to be married and have a family--but I also imagined my kids running around backstage at the theatre too. 
4. Beavers or ducks? ha ha! I love the movie. 
5. What was the last book you read, and what did you think of it? I'm still working on Intuitive Eating. I love it. I am horrible at reading non-fiction though. Before that, I read a book about a blind cat. I can't remember the name of it. But it was wonderful. So if someone offers you a chance to read a book about a blind cat--read it.  Wait--through the magic of google--the name of the book is Homer's Odyssey.
6. Which sports do you follow, if any? I come from a family of sports enthusiasts, so I always enjoy sports when I get around to watching the games. I generally enjoy college football over pro--but pro basketball over college basketball. March Madness? Wha? 
7. What is your favorite food to pig out on? Ice Cream and I have a long standing relationship. I love Ben and Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake. 
8. If you could have a conversation with absolutely anyone -- living or dead -- who would it be? This is a really good question! One of my favorite plays is called The Meeting. It's a fictional account of a meeting between Malcolm X and Martin Luther King, Jr. I think rather than conversing myself, I'd love to listen in on a couple of conversations. I think I'd love to hear a conversation between  Muhammed, Jesus Christ, and Buddha. The three faiths don't feel contradictory. The Muslim faith is about doing. Christianity is about events. Jesus lived and died and was resurrected.  And Buddhism is about states of being and transcending. All three are required for salvation. Faith, Action, Virtue. (Well, that was a complicated answer...)
9. What is one talent you wish you had? I wish I could dance better. I love dancing--but I just don't have the control over my body that I'd like. I have dreams where I am running through the forest without taking a breath. I wish I could run! 
10. Where is the most exotic place you've ever been? (The definition of "exotic" is up to you!) The furthest I've traveled was a weekend I spent in Wales on the coast. The TV was in Welsh! Who speaks Welsh? I'll tell you--the Welsh! 
11. Why did you start blogging? I started blogging in 2008. I don't remember what inspired me to start. I have always kept journals and I like writing. I think it was reading Melanie Hess's blog. 

And the nominees for the Liebster Awards Are:

Cinnamon&Sassafras
Confessions of a Drama Teacher
Salmon Tolman Fam
Pursuit of Happiness
Academic Diary
The Rains Came Down

Questions for Nominees:

1. If you could change your name for a day--what would you change it to and why?
2. If you were Oprah Winfrey--what awesome gift would you bestow on everyone you know?
3. If you could live anywhere for 3 months--all expenses paid--where would you live?
4. What is the bravest thing you've ever done?
5. What song would describe your life this past year?
6. What is your greatest strength?
7. What three values best define you?
8. What was the last movie you saw and what did you think of it?
9. Who is your favorite fictional character and why?
10. What living person inspires you today?
11. If you as your adult self could go back in time and have a conversation with your 11 year old self--what would you tell her?

I am curious to read your answers to these questions! If you don't have a blog, or if you're Larissa and I'm certain you have been nominated by someone else--I would love to hear your answers as well! Just leave your answers in the comments.

 Thank you Megan for this experience!

My Mistakes

A few weeks ago, I made a mistake when putting in payroll. I titled it ambiguously and ended up getting paid for the hours I worked while I was on vacation.  That paycheck was soooo disappointing. But I pinched my pennies and tried not to freak out.

Then I realized I had made a mistake!!

And this last paycheck--I got the extra money I had missed last time!

Another mistake I made...

While at the cabin this weekend, I put my glasses under my pillow and went to sleep.  That night the toothfairy came to visit me.  When she arrived, she realized that my purple and turquoise glasses were too wonderful to pass up--and she realized that she needed them more than I did.

 I really wish she would have left me a quarter or something.

So today, I took the extra monies that I got and went and bought a beautiful new pair of glasses.

They'll be here next week.

I got the frames for free in the men's frames section at Wal-Mart!

They're plastic and silvery.  And when I get them, they won't have any scratches and they will be wonderful.

Today I am grateful for my mistakes.

I am not grateful for the toothfairy. I think she should stop stealing things from under people's pillows. It's creepy.

Madness!

I snapped a few pics at rehearsal for Reefer Madness last Saturday.

I love it. I get to play an incredible part and I'm just loving the whole experience. 

But right now, I am feeling absolutely at the brink of exhaustion. 

During the past week, I have filled every single moment of every day. Tonight is the first time I've been home before 10:30pm in ages.  And the days start early. 

I absolutely enjoy every moment of my life, but there are just so many moments right now.

I realized at 8pm tonight that I could get away with not being at rehearsal for the last hour and I left. 

Right now, I'm just enjoying my couch and my TV. I'm watching Millionaire Matchmaker because Patti Stanger is a cheerleader for romance! 

Right now, I have a burrito bowl but no fork. I'm looking at it in front of me and I'm trying to talk myself into getting up off the couch to go and get a fork. 

I love my madness. It is a beautiful life.

But right now, I just want to enjoy being on the couch. 

Today, I am grateful for the couch. 

And my burrito bowl.

And TV.

Committed Love

Yesterday, I got to see my dear friend Beth Ann Harris, her husband Josh and their brand new baby girl. It was the first time I'd seen her since high school. She is as beautiful today as she was all those years ago. 

She has 6 beautiful children and although things aren't perfect, I am so happy that she is able to raise a beautiful family. 

I have never had the opportunity to get married and have six sweet babies. 

I don't know that I would want six babies, but I love the idea of being married and having children. 

I date a lot for a person who doesn't really have time to date. We go out, we laugh, we talk, we kiss, we hold hands, and then the questions start to come up about whether or not we should cross lines sexually or not. I'm not going to lie--I enjoy being intimate. But for the last little while, I realize that even though intimacy is nice--I want marriage. I want a family. It doesn't mean I don't think about it and that I'm not tempted to just let myself cross some lines, but I feel like I'm sacrificing future happiness for a moment. I don't want a moment--I want a life. And the moment after the moment is bonecrushingly lonely. 

I don't take marriage lightly though. I choose to be happily single until the right man comes along. I will not sacrifice happiness in marriage just to avoid being single. I respect marriage enough to choose to be single rather than just get married because I'm afraid of being alone. 

Lest you think I'm too picky--I'm not. I generally see far more good in people than they deserve. 

I belong to a rather large congregation of single people. Everyday I talk online to friends on Facebook who are all single. Everyone has different reasons for choosing to be single. Some of us haven't met the right person. Some are recently divorced. Some don't feel financially or emotionally ready for marriage. As straight people, we have the opportunity to choose marriage or not. We choose not to be married. 

It's hard for it feel like a choice when I have wanted to be married.... but I'm just putting us all in the same proverbial boat. 

When I see someone choose to be married, I cheer! When two friends become engaged, I am filled with joy! 

The choice to be married is to choose to care for someone else and to spend your life building a family and creating a life of love with someone else. I joy in this decision. It is not an easy choice to make--but it allows the two people to create a new world of possibilities with one another. 

As a Latter-Day saint, (like Catholics) we believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman. As a single woman, I believe that any two people who want to choose to build a life of love and joy together should be supported in that beautiful decision. I want more love. I am tired of seeing so many people choose to be alone when so many people legally can't be married. 

I am tired of a world without love and long-term commitment. With every couple that chooses to be together for the long haul, I believe the world becomes a better place. 

I see my friends who are happily married with their beautiful children, and I truly believe each of those families is its own pocket of heaven on earth. 

Today, I am grateful for love and marriage and I support all who courageously choose to live a life of committed love. 

Cast Party

Saturday night, I enjoyed an evening with friends as the cast, crew, and loved ones of  

You're a Good Man Charlie Brown

got together to have a fabulous night!

(so I have this new camera... and 

I really like taking pictures...)

I'll write word things tomorrow. 

Today I'm grateful for pictures. 

Tomorrow I'll be grateful for words. 

Beautiful From Start to Finish

 

 

Utah's Theatre Community

I'm heading up to a cabin in a few minutes for a cast party.

I'm enjoying a rare moment of rest before I get in the car and drive.

I am currently rehearsing as an actor in one show with Dark Horse Company Theatre and I'm working with Midvale Main Street Theatre as a musical director. And working full-time.  I love it all, but I'm really enjoying this little moment.

I got a new camera. I am going to take bunches of pictures on my way up to the cabin. And I'm going to memorize lines.

I love working with Dark Horse. Love it. Everyone is so nice. I feel so privileged to get to work with two theatre companies where the people are genuinely invested in creating a great show--and they're also really nice people.  Kindness is underrated when it comes to fostering a creative atmosphere. Theatre requires artists to work together to create a cohesive story told with music, acting, dance, art, and great writing.  When artists work towards their own separate ends, theatre fails.  But when artists collaborate and encourage one another, they overcome roadblocks and the culminating expression is more than the sum of the parts.

I wonder if this can work with separate theatre companies too.

Last year, I was working with a small group of friends on an idea to highlight Utah's up and coming theatre community.  We wanted to hold a three day festival where smaller theatre companies could show off their best work to Utah patrons to let them see all the great options Utah theatregoers can enjoy.  I still want to make this idea happen--but I believe that it's too big for just three days. I don't know the answer honestly. But I think it starts by following the same rules in creating a play. Theatre companies must realize that by working towards our own individual ends, without consideration for the whole artistic community, we will only go so far. But, if we can support one another through collaboration, cross promotion and encouragement, our growing theatrical community will grow beyond all expectations. When you think of Broadway, you don't think of just the Gershwin Theatre--you think of an entire community of theatres.

Today, I am grateful for artists and theatre companies who genuinely support our theatrical community here in Utah.  I am excited for what the future holds.  My thoughts are still percolating. I'll have to address this topic again in the near future. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

Creating A World

Yesterday, I went to the Brigham City Temple for the first time.

I am not sure why I never went through the open houses. I think I just figured I'd eventually make it up for a session anyway, and it's not like it was gonna float away or anything.

It's absolutely stunning. I was just delighted. The perfect combination of texture and sparkle.

I can't take pictures inside the temple, because it's a place of learning and worship--but I took a few pictures outside.

In the LDS Church, we're taught to liken the scriptures unto ourselves. In the temple, we hear the story of the creation as told in the scriptures. I was sitting there contemplating the significance of this telling--trying to figure out why it was so important to hear the telling of the creation every time I went to the temple. It doesn't strike me as a scientific recipe for creating a world and it just doesn't feel very spiritual--no mention of faith, hope, charity.  So I wondered how I might liken this scriptural account to my own life.

And it dawned on me--as things are meant to do inside a temple--it is about creating a life--or my own world.

Look at your disorganized life--and organize it. Divide the water from the land--or rather--the kitchen stuff from the bedroom stuff. Let their be light! Open windows! Invest your life and your home with knowledge, good thoughts, joy!  Fill your world with plants and flowers! As they discussed the creation of animals--I couldn't help but think of kids. Sorry. Some children remind me of bears and bunnies.

Don't get me wrong, I am a person of faith and if I learn some day that the creation really did take place in 6 days, I'll be more than happy to accept that because I believe in the power of God and miracles. But, I believe that scriptures are more than just a historical telling of things. I believe that they are given to inspire us today and to help us to find joy in our present day living.

And I am much more apt to believe the Hebrew translation of "day" into "periods of time" and to believe that the creation took place over 6 creative periods of time that lasted as much time as necessary to abide by the Laws of Physics--as set forward by a knowing God. And let's face it, regardless of how long it took--this beautiful world is a miracle.

But back to this likening the account unto myself... Everyday we set forth to create our own world. I want to take the lessons of the creation and create a world where those who enter into my world are surrounded by light, love, and beauty.

Today, I am grateful for the temple.

Free Stuff

There's a homeless man who has a small storage unit here. A few weeks ago, he came in looking pretty flushed and ragged. I honestly don't remember much of our conversations. I just sit at my desk and people come in and talk to me. We just shoot the breeze.

He came in yesterday and I didn't recognize him. I had to ask him his name.

He is 16 days off spice.

He came in and told me that he had wanted to come by and thank me for something I said that inspired him to go to detox. Now I know addicts--and I know that they are devilishly good at charming people in order to win them over so that they can use you in some way or form. Not to ruin your fairytale vision of an addict's intentions... ha ha ha.

I honestly doubt I said anything miraculous to him. But he is definitely clean. And he has hope. He talked about the many resources available to help people to get off drugs in this city.

I told him that I think the problem isn't the lack of resources--it's the lack of wanna. And that's the big question we need to answer. Why would so many people prefer to live on the streets and do spice?

The answer is different for everyone, I know.

His brother just came in the door and thanked me for somethins I said to him too. Like--right in the middle of typing this. These men are brothers who are supporting each other through their detox. This brother is having a difficult time with the anxiety now that he's off the drugs. But he's getting help.

It's not an easy journey. I wish them all the best.

The one brother told me this morning that there is a new batch of spice going around down town that is dropping users like flies. Instead of walking around like zombies--they're zipping around like mad hatters--and then they die.

It almost feels like some mad scientist is torturing these pawns.

If you know anyone who is using spice--the stuff is more poisonous and unpredictable than meth.

Today, I am grateful that you can find hope in spring, a sunrise, and a friend. And none of these things require a credit card or a place of residence. Whatever you're struggling with, please, just let yourself choose to hope.

Smiles in the City

I couldn't have looked worse if I tried. Hair pulled up in two banana clips. A trace of mascara stuck under my eyes, and no other make up. Baggy brown shorts, but a very cute top!

It wasn't that I was going for a particular bad look--I just didn't have time to be interested in how I looked today. I had things to do! And looking good just wasn't on that list. It is my prerogative to choose to be pretty or not. Today, I was hoping to just blend into the scenery as I got things done. 

For some reason, everyone kept smiling at me today. I had all these people look me in the eye and say hi. Do I give off some sort of "smile at me" vibe?

Interesting...

Today, I just wanted to kind of disappear and do my thing.

But people in Salt Lake City are just too dang nice.

Today I'm grateful to live in a nice city with nice people. 

My Red Throne of Judgment

This is where I get to go to church right now. 

We still fill every pew in the tabernacle, and on the balcony. 

Last week, the bishop asked people to sit in the choir seats before they opened the back curtain.

We sang in the choir last week, so I got to enjoy the choir seats. So this week, I figured, why not just sit myself up on the soft red choir seats before the place filled up. I sat next to Alison and we shared some Easter candy from our plush red seats. And I got to look out and see all the beautiful faces in our ward. 

In a few weeks, people are going to figure out that the red plush seats are much more comfortable then the hard folding chairs. Or they won't. Some people just prefer to sit behind the curtain on the hard chairs. 

I've never understood that. 

But I'm sure there are folks out there who wonder how I can stand to look at the back of someone's head. I prefer the trade for a soft cushy seat. And they prefer the hard seat in the very back. 

I won't judge it. Much. 

But I wonder at it. Why is it so hard to allow ourselves to become a part of a congregation? I get why the bishop wants us all seated in the same room. We're a massive congregation. If he can't split the congregation into smaller units, I understand the significance of being together in the same room. 

There is something to be said for choosing to be in the room.

I believe that a gospel principle we often overlook is the concept of unity. 

We speak of individual growth, our relative perspectives, that we're each on an individual path to salvation. 

But...

When Enos prayed for forgiveness in the woods, after he found forgiveness for himself, he immediately felt an overpowering urge to help his friends and enemies to find salvation as well. 

In Doctrine and Covenants 128:18 it says, For we without them cannot be made perfect; neither can they without us be made perfect. 

We need one another. 

Christ took on every sorrow that any of us ever felt in the ultimate act of empathy. 

In order to become like the Savior, we will need to exercise empathy. 

The gospel is designed to allow us to choose moments where we can bear one another's burdens in acts that will unify us and help us to find salvation together. 

I may sit on my little red throne high above the people on the back row and judge them for preferring to sit behind the curtain--but my salvation is tied to their salvation. In order for me to find true joy, I must align my heart with theirs and seek to understand what they are feeling. 

One lesson I learned yesterday in Sunday School was that empathy and pride cannot exist in the same heart. Empathy allows me to feel joy when my neighbor succeeds, not jealousy. It helps me to understand their trial, not compare my own. 

Today, I am grateful for the ideas of unity, empathy, and for my beautiful red seat.

Building Mountains

Today is Sunday and it's St. Patrick's Day.

I'm thinking about my family. Particularly about my baby brother Nick.

He's a one of a kind sort of person.

He went to BYU when he was just 17. He's now 20 and in the 3 1/2 years since he started college, he won first prize at Model UN in NYC, lived for a year in German Housing where he became fluent in German, finished three years of credits, and served an honorable LDS mission in Sweden, where he changed lives, inspired church members, and became fluent in Swedish within weeks.

Right now, he's home. I know he's feeling tender and a little lost because for the first time in years, he isn't going full speed ahead. It's got to be an awkward feeling. He needs to rest and find his footing for the next chapter in his life: finishing school, finding a career, graduate school, marriage.  But before he presses forward into the next marathon of living, he needs to just be.

We've all been there before. Moments where you want to dive into your future and face everything that's coming head on. But, we need these moments of transition. During these moments, we grow into the person that will be ready to face these challenges.

I am thinking of a friend who spent a couple years living at home, working retail in between her masters and doctoral programs. It was a time of transition for her. I know as she looks back now, she can see how that time prepared her--but being in it is difficult.

I feel like the last couple of years have been a transitional time for me too. And I'm finally sliding into a dharmic place where I'm able to spend my days doing things I love.

In no time, Nick is going to be back at the races.

During these times of transition, I think it's good to look back further at our history and widen our understanding of the true nature of our family.

Proverbs 8:26-30
26 While as yet he had not made the earth, nor the fields, nor ^athe highest part of the dust of the world.

 27 When he prepared the heavens, I was there: when he set a ^acompass upon the face of the depth:

 28 When he established the clouds above: when he strengthened the fountains of the deep:

 29 When he gave to the sea his decree, that the waters should not pass his commandment: when he appointed the foundations of the earth:

 30 Then I was by him, as one brought up with him: and I was daily his delight, rejoicing always before him;

Nick has been my delight through his whole life. And before the foundations of the earth were laid, we delighted together in the presence of our Father in Heaven and our brother Jesus Christ. 

It takes time and effort to build a mountain. Nick is a mountain of a man and he has a great many wonderful things left to do. 

I want all of my siblings to know how much I love them and how wonderful it was to grow up with them. Kelli, Kim, Jayson, Jack, Matt, Bethany and Nick. I am so happy to be your sister. 

Today I am grateful for you. 

 

A Beautiful Event

Imagine a place filled with beautiful green plants, sparkling lights, white orchids, and happy confident single adults smiling, laughing and enjoying themselves.

Tonight was magical.

I did my best to organize things ahead of time to avoid stress, but of course there were complications. My dear friend Larissa's fabulous lover man Rob Ferre came with an extra mic and speaker and then used his super dj/host skills to raise the game. Everyone who sang was absolutely wonderful. Sarah Worlton ended up having to sing alone last minute and she pulled together a beautiful rendition of "Popular". I was really proud of her. Bianca West pulled together a last minute performance of "I Will Survive" that was beautiful.  Larissa Villers, Megan Smyth and Nichole Omana did a fantastic rendition of "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy", Kristen Fox performed a perfect rendition of "Gravity", Katie Krein's "People" made me giddy, Lyn Dudley's "Moon River" was enchanting, and Kristi Chaney and Mike Bishop's "Fairytale" was jazzy and fun. Suzanne Glick was impressive on the guitar and she sang and played two original songs. Leah Jacobs and her accompanist did a fantastic cover of "Baby" and Marianne Rasmussen's piano playing and singing was incredible on the song "The Luckiest".  I could gush so much more. I won't. Just know that I love and adore everyone who performed tonight.

Alison Bowers is the head of the Sports and Rec Committee at church and she and Rob Rideout made sure that everyone had food and drink throughout the evening. And of course Rob and Robin Larkin were perfect hosts. I am so grateful that they invited us to have an event at their beautiful reception center. If you are looking for a place, Le Jardin in Sandy, Utah is absolutely beautiful. 

I should have taken pictures of everything tonight, but I didn't. Sorry.

But Rob Larkin gave me a beautiful floral arrangement at the end of the night. I giggled with absolute glee when he offered it to me. It is the most amazing floral arrangement I've ever had in my home! The smell is divine!

Today I am grateful for the generosity and talents of the people I get to go to church with.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

Spoiled

I missed two days of blogging. I'm sorry. I will make up for it!

This whole experiment of grateful blogging every day has been an interesting journey.

My life is so much better today than it was.

And I don't think I did much to change it.

As I wander through the minefield of sharing good things that have happened, I am going to try my best to avoid bragging. Sometimes gratitude can sound so pompous. "Look how splendid my life is!"

It's much easier when you're seeking gratitude in the midst of a trial.

I haven't blogged the last couple days because there is SO MUCH for me to be grateful for... and I feel like sharing would be bragging.

But I feel like gratitude is what got me here. And I am here. My life is a dream. I am blessed beyond words right now.

This time last year, I was working two part time jobs, trying to make things work. Now I have a full-time job that I love.

Earlier this year, I was thinking about how much I love working backstage, but I miss performing.

I have three opportunities to perform during the next month and I'm going to be acting in a feature film this summer.

I rarely have a wishlist for items, but I love photography and in the back of my mind I have thought that it would be wonderful to have a decent camera again. My sweet brother told me yesterday that he is going to give me this fancy camera that he got in Sweden. Just because he knows I love taking pictures.

I can't help but believe that daily gratitude is helping to bring these blessings into my life. Unwisely, because I haven't NEEDED to express daily gratitude, I let myself get derailed the last couple of days. But it's like staying on a diet after you lose weight. I will be vigilant in my gratitude.

Today I'm grateful for receiving blessings I was afraid of asking for and learning that it is okay to want things. I have grown up with this mantra--Don't want anything and you'll never be disappointed. I'm afraid of letting myself need. I feel guilty that whenever I express a want/need--I get it. I feel like a spoiled little girl.

With this in mind, I'm just going to ask myself for something. Eve, I would like you to give me health. I would like you to do me the kindness of eating 3 vegetables a day and walking for 45 minutes every day. I figure since everyone else is spoiling me, I should join in and spoil myself too.

Customer Service

I wish I could have taken a picture.

I had just ordered a fruit smoothie at McDonald's in the Walmart on 1300 S.

Two blind guys stood just outside the McDonald's and the first guy says, "Is this customer service?"

The girl behind the counter didn't miss a beat. Without a hesitation, she left her post and said, "Nope, but I'll take you there."

She came around the front and stood right next to the men. She said, "Take my elbow and I'll walk you there."  The man was visibly pleased. He turned to the other blind man and said, "You grab my shoulder."

And the three of them walked to customer service like a little train.

The blind leading the blind.

With one confident and kind young woman at the head of the train.

Today I am grateful that I needed a new mop head and a fruit smoothie. 

Delicious

Today was a great Monday!

I am training two weekend warriors to take over for the last guy who moved to Denver.

Because Mike was here training, I was able to go with family to lunch! Nick is super tall. Much taller than I remember. The kid is a giant!  We ate at California Pizza Kitchen.

We ordered three desserts to share. I went to "freshen up" in the restroom and one bite was left of the salted caramel pudding. I ate it. Oh my word. I died and went to dessert heaven. I want to go to this place of salted caramel pudding and live there forever and ever and ever.

I have a really cool film project coming up. Lonzo Liggins just wrote a screenplay... (and for those of you dabbling in screenwriting, what I mean is... he shared his first draft with me 2 years ago this is the version that has evolved after dozens of rewrites) and he wrote a part just for me! I am flattered and giddy to be doing film again! (I don't like doing film... but the idea of acting in a part written just for you is pretty stinking cool.)

This week is going to be splendid. I can tell.

Today I'm grateful for talented friends,  and mind blowing desserts that I get to share with loved ones!

A Day of Rest... ha ha ha

Today was wonderful.

I think I packed more into today than I probably should have, but it was worth it.

I talked to my brother Nick on the phone for a good 3 hours. It was wonderful to just hear about his mission. He is such an amazing person.

Today at church, the choir sang "Come Come Ye Saints" in our new building. From the red velvet choir seats, I could see emblazoned on the back wall--"The Glory of God is Intelligence". I think I have found my favorite church home yet.

This week, I am in charge of a large event taking place at Le Jardin in Sandy. It is a beautiful greenhouse event center. I am so excited. We have so many amazing people performing at the event.

I am also writing the Easter Program this week.

The choir director and I discussed the songs he wants to do for the program and now I just need to fill in the program with the spoken word portion of the program. I am really excited. I love Easter. It is my favorite holiday.

So... today was busy.

Today I'm grateful for my callings--though I think I complained to plenty of people about how much I've got to do this week.

Joy and Misery

Sorry about the negative post yesterday.

I was disgustingly sad yesterday. I kept crying. That was the most annoying part of yesterday.

Tears were a combination of hormones, stress, and a lingering depression that I'm trying to kick right now.

The fact is--I get depressed. Right after my mission, a doctor told me I was bipolar--but I feel like he didn't know me well enough to really make that diagnosis. (Fifteen minutes... really?) But I have spent many years fighting depression.

I have learned to be gentle with myself. I acknowledge what I'm feeling. I also acknowledge my blessings. And I care for myself. I try to listen to what my body needs--whether that's laughter, sleep, tears, or even writing.

Alabama Shakes played LAST night. I thought it was Saturday--tonight.  I wouldn't have even brought it up in the post yesterday if I had realized the show was last night--cause going to a concert was NOT happening.  BUT... because of my complaining, three friends offered to pay for tickets for me. I was really touched.

I dragged my tear stained face--in my yoga pants and messy pony tail--no make up--into the car and drove west on I-80 towards Saltair. The whole drive, I thought--just get there. Don't miss the opportunity. On the drive, I decided to call my old mission companion, Kjersti.

Doesn't she just have a smile that could brighten any day?

As I drove to Saltair, we gabbed about her theatre students and the wonderful ways she's growing her program. We talked about our missions and I realized that the best medicine wasn't a concert by myself--but a visit with someone who has known me for years through my ups and downs.

I turned the car around and drove to her cute condo. 

We talked a little about how I was sad--but the conversation diverged to much more interesting topics like great theatre, missionary work, family, friends and church. 

At the end of the night, I felt like my whole heart had been lifted up inside of me. 

Sometimes I wish I was the type of person who didn't feel things quite so much. But the fact is--I have learned to truly appreciate the miracle of joy. 

2 Nephi 22 And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end.

 23 And they would have had no ^achildren; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no ^bjoy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no ^csin.

 24 But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who ^aknoweth all things.

 25 ^aAdam ^bfell that men might be; and men ^care, that they might have ^djoy.

Three things that speak to me from this passage:

*I wonder what kind of a person I would be today if I didn't suffer from depression?

*Without misery, we can't really understand joy. 

*God, in His wisdom and love,  has blessed me with a heart and mind that just happens to feel too much. 

Today, I am grateful for my dear friend Kjersti, for generous friends who offered me the chance to see my favorite new band, and for a wise Heavenly Father who has lovingly designed a mortal experience that allows me to feel both misery and joy. 

 

I'm Annoyed

So what does one post on days when one is feeling like a proverbial pile of poo?

I could post various piles of poo and draw smiles on the piles of poo and caption them: Me.

I could post a super sad song list.

I could pretend to be chipper and make up a pretend thank you list.
(Fake it til you make it!)

At this current moment, I am the poster child for grumpy.

I think I'm going to write things that annoy me. Yes. This is the list I want to make today!

1) This morning while driving on the freeway towards downtown SLC, I saw a red car change lanes without looking or signaling. She would have rammed into a grey SUV, but luckily, she tried to swerve out of the red car's path, but was stuck because another car was in the opposite lane. Poor grey SUV bounced a bit--and then braked and slid behind the red car. I watched all of this shocked. I pulled up behind the red car to see the face of this insane maniac. I watched her switch lanes two more times without so much as flipping on a blinker or turning her head to check the other lane. I don't even think she realizes she almost caused a pile up. Grrrr...

2) I'm annoyed that my dishes don't wash themselves and that groceries don't magically appear in my fridge.

3) I'm annoyed that mornings come too soon.

4) I'm annoyed that I am on the same candy crush level as referenced before--even though I watched myself clear all the gels twice. It's rigged!!!

5) I'm annoyed that after the family dinner last night where we all celebrated my brother's homecoming--everyone left with someone--except for me. I felt like a big ol' lonely loser.

6) I'm annoyed that one of my favorite bands is coming tomorrow but it would irresponsible for me to go to a concert when I need to pay bills.

7) I'm annoyed with myself for being fat.

8) I'm annoyed with my carpet for being so old that vacuuming doesn't make much of a difference.

9) I'm annoyed that I live far away from the ocean.

10) I'm annoyed that I am not a dolphin living in the ocean with no carpets to clean, dishes to wash or groceries to buy.

Today I'm grateful to be alive, surviving the raving lunatic driver of the red sedan. I'm grateful that I will assuredly enjoy the rest of the day since it can only get better really. And I'm grateful for the opportunity to go to bed really early tonight.

Happy Happenings at the Airport

 What on earth is my nephew Konner doing in the Salt Lake International Airport?

 He cheers!

 He flexes!

 He...umm...Zombies?

He shakes his groovy groove thang. 

Oh! 

His Uncle Nick is home from Sweden today!!

Guess who made the sign? 

That's right...

I am wicked with cutting out letters!

(Can I say wicked when talking about a missionary homecoming?)

 Two handsome brothers.

 My beautiful mother. 

And two proud parents. 

Welcome Home Äldste Francom!