Turning 30

Today is my 30th birthday.

There are certain aspects of this event that should trouble me.

I have vague memories of driving to San Francisco to visit my mother's friend when I was young and realizing with horror that this friend, who was my mother's age--(30) was SINGLE! It just didn't play out in my view of the universe. People's lives consisted of childhood, being young, and then getting married and having a family. Age without family was too much for my mind to handle.

This line of thought follows the same reasoning as when I thought the words "earth", "world", and "America" were synonymous. The "United States" was the name of the country, "of America"--meant "of the world."

The whole world was one happy America!

Needless to say, time has educated me in both issues. As I watch my friend's marry and enjoy that part of life, I don't feel horrified at my single predicament. I recognize my advantages. I have a great respect for my married friends and the time that it takes to make that commitment work. Every time I want to relish some down time or alone time, I am grateful that I'm single. And although sex would be nice, sleeping in on a Saturday morning instead of making breakfast for excited toddlers is oh so sweet.

I don't sit around and mope. I really don't have time to even worry about it--which is probably why I'm not married yet. But on birthdays like today, it's interesting to think back to where you thought you would end up.

I think if someone would have told me that when I was 30, I'd be teaching Philosophy of Ethics and American Experience to students from all over the world in Washington, DC--that I'd be working as an actor with Maryland Shakespeare Festival--and that I'd enjoy the company of talented, intelligent, and kind friends---I think I would have completely embraced that dream. But the fact is--that dream wasn't even part of my vocabulary of ideas.

Which brings me to my random, round about point--I know now, better than I have ever known--that whatever will happen in my life is beyond my own limited vision. I know that I can hardly begin to dream the means to my end. I know that I am beyond knowing the future, and I wholeheartedly give up trying to figure anything out. I'm happy and everyday I will seek to bring happiness to those I love, and that's all that ever mattered.