Cast of Wild and Whirling Words

It's ME!
Spencer--and yes, he's laying on the swords. Lounging if you will. . . Truly a man's man.
Ariel and Bridget--posing beautifully for the camera. I love these girls!
Ariel and Spencer posing in the dip they do at the end of each show.

Spencer and Ariel do some incredible sword fights during the show.

So, our run comes to an end on Monday. So sad. I won't miss the 5am mornings, but I will miss hanging out with everyone. I won't miss the traffic. But I will definitely miss the Rockstar drinks and working with all the kids.

Adios Maryland Shakespeare!

Gratitude

We went to the beach yesterday. We had people staying at our house so we could leave early in the morning. I crashed in my bed at 11:15pm. I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and could hear people chatting throughout the house. For one moment--one single--tiny-- moment--I regretted falling asleep so early. But then I crawled back into my little metal futon and happily went back to sleep.

At 5:30am, my crazy roommate started playing music loudly in her room in an effort to wake up the troops. I calmly walked to her room and stated, "Do you want the neighbors to call the police? It's 5:30am on a holiday weekend." Nothing could squelch her hyperness--which is good. Who wants to squelch someone's bliss?! Not me! No sirree.

I just typed up a bunch of negative things--but I shouldn't publish such negativity. So here's a catalog of good things and some bad things.

1) The drive was long.
2) The beach was beautiful! It always is!
3)Water was cooooolllllldd.
4) I got a sunburn, despite my best efforts. Of course, it's only in areas that my spray sunblock missed--like my arm pits and my butt. Crazy!! And my back is pretty toasty.
5) We ate Fish and Chips.
6) I listened to bad jokes told by uninteresting men for a very long duration. It took everything in my power not to text Spencer, "I miss you!!! I love you!!! Never leave me again!!!"

There's nothing like spending time with other people to make you appreciate the close friends you have.

Traffic getting back into the city was horrific. But Jared's car was wonderful and he was pretty cool. Another guy in the car kept stating horrible facts about how long it was going to take us to get home. He also enjoyed answering all of my rhetorical questions. The other guy in the car spoke so softly I couldn't understand him. No one could. There's shy, and then there's inconsiderate. I love my loud and articulate friends now. I love you all!!!! 5 hours in a car people! Five hours!!!

Today I get to start the new quarter. I'm going to enjoy teaching this new English class.

Happy Memorial Day!

Yesterday I had a wonderful moment. I was driving to Bonny and Mike's wedding, set to arrive a good 30 minutes early--and I hit a major traffic jam on the beltway. This is nothing new--but I wasn't expecting it on a Saturday! So I thought I would be soooo cool and get off the freeway and take the backroads to the temple.

I got so lost. I can't describe how confusing the roads are here. I have a great sense of direction--but it was 11:30am so the sun was no help--the hills are just hilly and the roads like to turn for some idiotic reason.

I finally made my way back to the beltway--and realized I was in the exact same spot I had exited. I was ready to cry. I knew I was going to miss the whole ceremony. I got back on the beltway and the accident had cleared. I noticed a car in front of me that I knew was headed to the temple. I sped up and followed her path through the traffic, but despite my miracle leader--I got to the temple at 12:02pm and despite Mormon standard time--they actually run a pretty tight ship at the temple. I was sure I had missed my chance to attend the sealing. I wanted to cry. Despite all my prayers to help me to get there on time--I was going to miss the sealing!

But wonder of wonders! The bride and the groom were late!! So I didn't miss it! It was a beautiful ceremony. The man performing the ceremony cracked me up. He quoted Reader's Digest and kept calling Bonny, Nancy. I was cracking up. Bonny was the world's most beautiful bride. It was fantastic.

Today I taught Relief Society and Priesthood in a combined meeting. I was really happy with how it went. The main points that I wanted to hit on were these:
1) the words KNOW and the words LOVE are interchangeable. To know is to love--as we come to know one another better, we love each other more.
2) If we identify the attributes of Heavenly Father's love for us--we can seek to emulate those attributes as we strive to love one another.
3) Discuss the transforming power of Charity.

Everyone made wonderful comments. I LOVE TEACHING!!

Tomorrow I'm going to the beach!! And i promise that there will be no pictures!!

Getting it Together

Yesterday, after falling asleep under the burden of debt--I woke up on my day off with renewed ambition.

The other charges did indeed go through, leaving me $300 in the hole--but there was nothing to be done so I got to work on other things and tried not to worry.

I revamped the online Ethics class I'm teaching and designed my college composition classes that start next week. I got all of my grades in for the quarter that just ended. I pretty much accomplished amazing things yesterday!

I let myself cry a little over the money over the phone with Spencer, but my tears stopped quickly when he told me that he was hired as an understudy with the Shakespeare Theatre! It's so exciting! And after working very hard all day, I went to the gym at 9pm and killed myself on the machines. I kept my heartrate above 170 for 30 minutes. At one point it was up to 190. I'm so happy!!

Just so you understand why I care about my heartrate so much--my mother and my grandmother both had heart attack scares in their early 40s and when I went to the doctor this past December I was warned that my blood pressure was in a scary place--sooooo I'm trying to strengthen my heart. And last night felt incredible.

This morning I had to be up and out of the house by 5am, so I didn't get much sleep last night. I was supposed to go down to Charlottesville to be with Bonny and crew for the day before the wedding chores and festivities, but I have no money with which to buy gas--so I'm going to the temple tomorrow and bumming a ride with Bri to the rest of the festivities. This works out great because I was able to get in another good workout tonight, watch the Season Finale of Grey's Anatomy--which was incredible by the way--and work on my Relief Society lesson for Sunday.

I'm really trying to learn how to prioritize caring for myself. According to Carol Gilligan, women (and probably men too) pass through these stages of moral development: 1) The concern for individual survival. We are morally correct because it will help us to survive. Then there's the transition from selfishness to responsibility. I remember distinctly when my mother put the sponge in my hand because I was finally tall enough to see over the countertops. That marked that transition for me! 2) Goodness comes to be equated with self-sacrifice. This is the phase I'm finding myself in, though because I'm aware of the other stages, I'm trying to work my way past this stage. Then there's the transition stage that involves giving yourself permission to take care of yourself. It feels like a regression but it's actually a progression towards the third stage--3) Moral goodness is seen as caring both self and others.

Soooo, I'm working my way past the martyr stage. It's teaching me to stop being upset with people who don't choose to sacrifice themselves readily for others. I love and appreciate those who freely give themselves--there's nothing wrong with that--but I have to stop judging those who appear to put themselves first. In fact, I feel like I need to take a page from their book and learn to care for myself a little better. Which is why tonight was so wonderful! I did exactly what I wanted to do. And it didn't cost me a dime and I feel great!

I still want to serve others though because that makes me happy. And hopefully it makes others happy too--but I'm going to value self-love more than I have been.

Well, this post is long enough already! G'night!

money

I'm so upset right now. I'm upset in that horrible apathetic way that I get when I feel like I have no control over my life.

I got my stimulus check. I paid some bills. I had $50 leftover. So I went to Wendy's, then bought a new shirt at Target, and filled up the car with gas. I came home and another bill that I had forgotten about went through a week late and now I've overdrawn and I've been charged over $100 in late fees. That's without today's purchases. I made a deposit and I'm hoping that some miracle will occur and the money will show up tomorrow morning and I won't 4 more bounced checks tomorrow.

My paycheck from Stratford never came this week. They forgot to process it. I shouldn't be broke! I should have extra money! But instead, I'm in the hole!!! I am so frustrated right now!

Life is going to be fine. I am teaching 5 classes next quarter and that's some good money, but in the meantime, I've got to swallow the fact that have $100 less than I thought I did and there's the possibility that I'll have lost another $160. I think I'm going to throw up. I've got to change my life.

pictures. . .because I feel like it!

My friends Megan and Jim. I took their engagement pictures last week and this is one of my favorites. They're moving out to California in just a couple of weeks. I'm so sad!!
This is one of Spencer's headshots. I just sent them off for printing, so I have them on my computer. He's kind of a looker. It's fun to see this suave picture and then remember his messy morning hair and giant coke bottle glasses.
This is my favorite shot. It's not a great headshot--but it captures the me inside my head. And I like that.
This is my latest headshot.
This is a picture of my roommate Sarah with our friend Craig. I miss Craig. He was in DC for internship and returned to SLC. He was wonderful! I used to find him at giant parties sitting on the floor in front of my bookshelf reading. He's wonderfully complicated! (And you KNOW how much I love complicated men :)

I never take pictures anymore. It's tragic really. There's so many things to take pictures of!

Anywhoooo--in an effort to liven up this little website, I'm posting some recent pictures that I can find!

My first NYC audition

Yesterday I woke up at 2:45 am.
Clarissa drove Spencer and I to Chinatown where we barely caught the bus to NYC.
We were late getting on the bus, so we had to sit with strangers.
I slept really fitfully the whole way there.
We took a cab from Chinatown to Chelsea where we were the first ones there for the audition.
The audition went well. I loved looking at all the people who were auditioning for the various companies. You could hear the voices through the walls belting away. As I sat in my chair on deck for my audition for the Shakespeare Company, two dancers came out of one audition. They were both sweaty and breathing hard, but smiling. Two minutes later, the auditor came out of the room and said to the first pretty boy, "We've seen enough. Thank you." And to the other guy, "Please take a look at these sides."
It was so interesting to breathe it all in. Then of course the door opened and I went my merry way into my audition.

I nailed it.

Nothing will come of it, but I nailed the sucker.

After the audition, I immediately needed to find a new pair of shoes. Oh my poor feet. I bought some incredibly cute sneakers, and they ripped up my heels. We finally found a store where I bought flip flops. Oh sweet relief! I have the biggest blisters in the world!

We found a nice restaurant and ate on the street where we watched a man with a green beard and a white tutu sail down the road, followed by Ethan Hawke energetically talking with a director. Sigh.

Once we realized we were not going to be called back, we took a cab back to Chinatown and climbed onto the bus. I would normally be sad about this, but the audition was a for a fellowship that we're both overqualified for and we really just came for the chance to strut our stuff in front of the company. It was a good plan and Spencer has an audition with them again next week. After my audition, David Muse commented, "So, you live in the DC area? Good. This is good."

We got on the bus and Spencer decided that it would be a good idea to sit in the back.

Sooooo wrong.

Everytime someone went to the bathroom, I died a little inside.

The gentlemen sitting on my left were disgusting and vulgar. I was mortified by them. We watched Ratatouille on Spencer's ipod and spent the rest of the time talking.

As time sped by, the bus did not. We spent all together about 11 hours on the bus yesterday. Then we metroed to my metro stop where Clarissa picked us up at 11:30pm.

By the end of the night, I was so incredibly tired. I haven't had more than 4 hours of sleep every night this week. I was able to get in about 5 hours last night before leaving for Baltimore at 6am to do another show.

I am home now. It's Friday night. I've lost another pound. I went grocery shopping. It's 9pm and I think I might just fall into bed.

What great week!

NYC

I'm leaving for New York in 3 hours.

I suppose I should go to bed now.

It would be a good idea.

Yeperooni!

lots of little nothings

Today was a great day. I sat under a tree on a blankie next to a sleeping Spencer and just watched bluejays and cardinals and orioles zip past me and bounce around in the trees. I watched a little kid get pulled around by a giant dog and a group of little kids gather round their dad as he gutted a giant fish. I read some scriptures. I sat and reminded myself of beautiful moments when I've come to know that God lives. I snuggled next to Spencer and listened to John Rutter. I had a moment where I felt overwhelming sadness at loves lost. And I felt overwhelming gratitude for the love that I have. I sat and thought about children I don't have, and tried to imagine children I would have. I wondered if they would be blond or red-headed. It seems like almost everyone in my family, except for Jack and I, were born with blond hair. But I couldn't imagine anything but dark hair because I spent Sunday holding a dark-haired little baby girl. Spencer bought me a peace lily. I watched him skip rocks. I took a luxurious nap. I got up at 5 am. And I'm going to go and buy a piano tomorrow after our early morning show.

Today was a great day. Filled with little generosities and specific moments that are too generic to articulate, but all the same--I felt the gamut of emotions from loneliness to overwhelming love.

I loved being in this day. And even as I was in it, I imagined that one day I would look back at today and be happy that I had lived in this day.

Choir and other random events

My calling in the church right now is as the ward choir president. This means that I get to go to all the choir rehearsals and occassionally, I'll send out a reminder email about the upcoming practices.

Our choir director is an angel. She is brilliant. And so we sound brilliant. We sang in church today and it was divine. I wish I could play for you the song. And tonight we practiced this Moses Hogan arrangement of the spiritual "Stand by Me". It was too delicious for words.

In other news, I've lost 25 pounds--or I had until I got all bloated today and gained 6 pounds! Stupid period!! But it will all go away in a few days. I feel better. Except for the fact that I'm having a period after only 3 weeks. I usually go 2 to 3 months in between periods. This is a new twist! I guess the weight loss is changing my body.

And in other news, Spencer and I are running a kids acting workshop this summer with a woman who teaches English workshops. She is linked in with Alexandria schools and she's wonderful! She's renting us a nice space to work and we'll put together 4 sessions. If it succeeds, it should lead to private lessons and possibly a studio, but this is all in the future. Either way, things are looking up jobwise.

Another exciting event--Spencer has been given free range access to a beachhouse in North Carolina for the fall. This means that I get to spend at least a week on the beach in September! Whoopeee!!!

Today is a day. A wonderful day.

It started off with a conversation with a friend on the phone. Then I put on an old tee shirt and a linen skirt, hiked it up and laid out on the deck while reading the plays with Queen Margaret's character.

After falling asleep in the sun, I moved myself inside and continued to read inside (sleep). I slept on the living room floor until 3:30pm.

And now I am looking at the list of things I need to get done before next week, and all I want to do is sleep. We are starting a new residency in Maryland next week, which means I have to be in Maryland Monday morning at 6am. I'm still directing the after school program production at Cabin John, so I have to run over there after teaching at this other school. Then I have to run to my class in Falls Church and teach my Ethics class until 10:30pm.

This schedule continues throughout the week. It's exciting! And I love it so much! (Really--this isn't sarcasm!) I just need to go grocery shopping and cook some meals and make sandwiches, and prepare myself adequately. But all i want to do is sleep!

I'm not sick. I'm not depressed. I feel really good! Just tired.

Spencer pointed out yesterday as we crossed paths that it has been 3 days since we hung out. The only consolation is that he looks horrible and he misses me too.

I think he has much to do with my low-energy. The man is like a drug!! He has a friend in from out of town, and I think it's important to prove that I can live without him, since we're just friends.

Well, I'm finding it difficult. I realize that someday we're both going to get married and this friendship is going to take a backburner to those relationships, and so I'm trying to remind myself of the great life I have without him. And I do!

I am officially a pathetic loser. I miss my friend.

Done. I admit. I prefer my life when he's around. Done.

Made of Poo

Worst. movie. ever.

I went to see Made of Honor tonight because I happen to be 1) a girl and 2) fond of My Best Friend's Wedding.

Now, I grant you we walked in 10 minutes late, but I felt like vomiting throughout the entire movie. I won't give away any of the plot--it's hard to give away something that doesn't exist--but I will tell you this: the entire crux of the movie rests in a scene between Patrick Dempsey and a dog.

Nuff said.

Save some money and stay away. Far. Far. Away.