Evil thoughts of Heaven and Hell on Earth

I've been trying to find the words for this post for a long time. I'm going to attempt it now, without making it too long.

Lately, the wards in the area have been throwing around the idea of a mid-singles ward. To which I say, "Great! What a wonderful way to teach people who don't have a family about the joys of family by keeping them good and clear of it into their 40s. That's swell!" Clearly, from my sarcastic tone that you couldn't see, I am not pleased with this stupid idea.

Next week, I enter the mid-singles ward. Whoopee! I am sad to go to a new ward, because I enjoy my ward. I am not sad in the least bit to be going to the family ward. I am excited about it!

Here's the quick and dirty dealio.

Women--get a little nutty with age. We go on trips, learn cake decorating and gardening, pick up a few degrees, but for the most part--we're pretty normal as we get older. We don't have much choice about the whole dating thing because frankly in the church and out of the church--the whole hunt and be hunted thing is kind of the rule of law. If the girl hunts the guy, the guy may like it--but he ain't gonna marry it. So, we go out occassionally, try to keep things together and find joy in our lives as they are--recognizing that we have the lovely promise of marriage in the hereafter--where I hear babies sleep through the night and poopy diapers are really fun!

Men--get a lot nutty. They have this odd sense of self. They watch Chuck and see themselves with beautiful blond actresses. They wait patiently for said woman to come up and tell them that God himself has proclaimed their love a righteous and chosen love. In reality, they will date perfectly acceptable normal women--who for the most part are far more attractive than they would deserve if they weren't living in a 2 to 1 community--and sit and wait for a sign from God that she's "the one" before they begin to treat the woman with the respect of being more than a friend. They tell me that they're reserving the gentlemanly skills that their parents taught them for their wives--and they don't want to give off the wrong signals.

The men play hard to get BUT they want women who aren't too forward.

Let's see, if you're running away, and I'm running away--then I'm thinking that's not going to work. And frankly, I believe that's the heart of the matter.

I can't control when a man will finally wake up and decide that he's ready to want marriage. But the cool thing is--this realization doesn't really affect me in the slightest because I get the satisfaction of knowing that all will be well if I just live a happy life.

Poor guys though, they gotta figure it out here and now. To this, I give an evil evil laugh.

I had a conversation with a friend this morning who is a 30 something single guy. He explained that he ran into an apartment of four 45 year old single guys, and had a bit of a wake up call.

Perhaps a mid-singles ward would be good after all! Except I would make one little change--it should only have single guys. That way the closeted guys will be secretly delighted, the younger guys in their 30s might see visions to motivate them to finally grow the hell up, and I can enjoy the primary activity days and volunteering in the nursery as I dream of angel children in my eternal family in the sky!