I have so much to blog about. I haven't been very good lately. I always think about the pictures I have to upload, and so I put it off. But, today's blog doesn't involve pictures.
During the past few months several people have taken it upon themselves to confront me about my weight. I never quite know how to respond or react to these people. They appear to do it out of love. Quite frankly, the approach itself seems a little asinine.
For example, I believe my dad was thinking of the commercial about stroke victims--(the one where the guy is walking around with an arrow through his chest and the voiceover says, "you wouldn't ignore this guy, don't ignore the signs of a stroke.") He said, "It's like you have a bullet in your head." And so he took it upon himself to point out my "gross obesity."
As I try to tell myself that he is doing this out of love, I can't help but wonder what kind of a blind idiot he thinks I am. If I had a bullet in my head--or an arrow coming out of chest--don't you think I'd notice it! I don't walk up to jaundice looking, toothless people and say, "Hey just in case you weren't aware--you have a meth problem!"
This weekend, my grandma--my father's mother--felt it was her duty to have the same conversation with me. "It's gone too far. You are just too heavy. It's not good for you!"
And here I was thinking about how lovely it was to be overweight. Thank you for your enlightening facts.
I left Sault Ste Marie at 5:00am and arrived in Washington DC at 6pm. I had a lot of time to process these various and sundry conversations. I tried to figure out what signals I was sending out that blared to others, "I am incapable of noticing obvious details about my own body."
I realized that in my efforts to be happy with who and where I am, I have mistakenly given the impression that I am unaware of my flaws.
I recognize that I need to lose weight. Is this going to stop me from being happy now? Nope.
I recognize that I am not as healthy as I would be if I lost weight. Is this going to stop me from working out? Nope.
I recognize that I am not as beautiful as I would be if I lost weight. Is this going to stop me from going out on dates with great guys? Not a chance.
But I'm afraid by striving to live a happy life, I have given off the false impression that I am unaware of my need to lose weight. And so certain people have taken it upon themselves to point out the obvious.
Well, allow me to point out the obvious. Dad--you're narcissistic, lazy, and incapable of holding a job longer than 2 years. Nana, you're old.
Oh gee--did I say too much? It's not fun having your insecurities thrown in your face--is it!
7 comments:
I don't know if this helps, but Katherine and I had a conversation roughly 10 days ago about how beautiful you are.
We were talking about how (in an actor) size doesn't matter, as long as the person is a good actor. We've both had the experience of watching you act and entirely forgetting that you aren't a standard ingenue build. You're so good, it stops mattering really fast.
:)
Thank you so much for saying that! I feel like there's so many other parts of who I am--it really bothers me when people only see the one aspect of who I am. But I was beginning to believe I had deluded myself into seeing myself as more than my weight. Thank you so much!! I can't tell you how jealous I am that I am not in Julius Caesar! I wish I wish I could be in your show! someday soon we have to do a show together.
Eve, if I could tell you how many times "I wish I was _______ like Eve..." you would be boweled over. One of those words are gorgeous, another is brilliant, another, level-headed, another; kind... The list goes on and on. I think it is RUDE I don't care if anyone thinks it is helpful. It is RUDE.
I adore you, people need to lay off and let you be.
My sister in law and I were talking once about her husband who has struggled with his weight for a long time. She said something pretty profound, at least I thought it was. She said that his scarlet letter was right there on his sleeve for everyone to see. Everyone notices him because of his weight, but how many of those people who notice them struggle with things that are much worse than weight.
The whole point of life is making sure you are happy no matter what situation you are in. If you are happy, then that's what matters.
Love your guts girl, and I too am one of those jealous people. Why can't I be smart like Eve?
People can be so callous when trying to be "helpful."
In my life it all seems to revolve around "going back to school" and having kids. My personal favorite is...you ONLY have two kids? and then look at me as though I am some heathen...then there's the...so, when are you going to have more?
It's another one of those times when they should quit worrying so much about others and focus on the problems they have themselves. Reading your blog just makes me think you are all the more wonderful. You are an amazing teacher, you help people, you are giving, and your acting skills are superb, just to name a few.
AGAIN, what good friends you have. Oh, that's right---because YOU are a good friend.
So MY first instinct, of course, was to ask if you wanted me to write a letter. Then I moved up a notch to Fiona's Irish brogue in my head..."Shall we shoot them?" ;) And then I say to you w/ love and unbelievable empathy (because of course, it really is MY fault---again ;o) Just Breathe.
I think anyone who ever makes any comment to any woman about weight should be shot. Seriously.
I remember the first time I gained weight and my mom said "Wow, you're getting fat"... I don't think anyone has ever said anything so hurtful to me.
I think people need to remember that we all have flaws... most of them are not visible to the human eye. A few of us have visible flaws... bad eyes, being deaf, being a little pleasantly plump... maybe having severe acne.
And people think they can point those things out to make them feel better because of their invisible flaws.
You are the most beautiful wonderful person... and I treasure every day you've been in my life. You have every right to live and beautiful wonderful HAPPY life every day and shouldn't have to justify your happiness. You are truly a blessing to everyone around you.
Too bad some of your family doesn't see that.
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