Peace

Soooo, I went out with a cute guy this past week. Actually, we went out twice, or maybe three times. But who's keeping track? (Me.)

I have had a great time with him, but I'm afraid of falling into old traps. I think that I am a fun person to be with, and guys like to be with me--until someone cuter comes along. I have a hard time keeping things in guy/girl mode, and not slamming things into friendship land.

But, I like this guy. I shall call him "Clay". (Because that is his name.)

We have a great time together. So much so, that I've torn down my walls of resistance because I figure, even if this does end up in the vast wasteland of Friendshiponia, at least I have a blast with him.

There are some differences between him and other guys though. First, he's old. This is wonderful because he looks like an adult and acts like an adult and has found success in his work. This is nice. Other guys in the past--not interested in a relationship because they hadn't figured their own life out!

Second, he's funny. We laughed over Thai food for 3 hours Saturday night. It's great to watch a movie with him because we have the same idiotic sense of humor. A few weeks ago, we watched Tropic Thunder at his house and were both rolling.

After Saturday's date, I laid awake trying to figure out what I was thinking about this guy. This Clay person. Dang it all. I couldn't sleep a wink. I got on my knees and I prayed--not to know if anything would happen with him, because it either will or it won't--and knowing that isn't going to help me sleep! I prayed for peace. I just prayed for peace.

I finally was able to get to sleep--although I slept fitfully. It was a good fitful sleep. I was able to see things clearly. I saw that we both like each other. That much is clear. We have a great time, but I am going to continue to have a great time with other guys too. I woke up feeling blessed for having had a wonderful time with a great guy. And I felt great about that.

Sunday, I went to church in my old single's ward because my friend Bill was speaking. Clay, who is in another family ward, joined me and my roommates and we had a great time listening to the talks. We ducked out early to enjoy the Sunday weather in his convertible. (We went to my roommate Sarah's Sunday School lesson first though!)

He leaves for a couple of long trips this week, so I won't see or hear from him for a while. I told him that I liked him and that this made me sad. It felt very good to be open and honest. I didn't feel too open. I felt good about it. I basically told him that if he disappeared for a month, I would simply get on with life and I would start liking someone else--but I didn't want to--because I really liked liking him! (Our lesson in Sunday School was on honesty--so I figured I'd give it a go.)

He smiled, said something about how cute I looked. Then he made fun of me showing him missionary pics during our date the night before. Then Mike and Sarah came home.

I walked him to the door and he gave me a little kiss on the cheek.

Then, my hometeachers came in and spent the next 30 minutes teaching me about "peace". They said that peace is the absence of conflict. When you watch a sports game and you know the outcome--you feel at peace. But if you don't know the outcome, you feel turmoil and stress.

Well, in this little game of love, I know the outcome. I know that I'm going to end up with an amazing guy, and this knowledge takes all the conflict out of it for me. I get to enjoy great dates with funny guys, and I'm not worried about what is or isn't going to happen anymore. I feel peace.