Real Resolutions for 2010

The month of January is coming to an end.

I love my birthday and New Years, but it is utterly heartbreaking to look back at the year and think of all the resolutions that you DIDN'T keep.

Again.

But, to my credit, I did keep some important ones.

Last year, I decided to be open in love. I know it SEEMS like I'm always open, but I'm not. I am actually pretty closed off. This time, I decided to be actively aware and to be girlier.

I said yes. I went on dating websites. I dressed up. I did pretty well actually.

I dated more in 2009 than I have in all my years combined. Well, it feels like it anyhow. And I had a great time with some great guys. And some not so great guys.

I am sure I broke a couple hearts, and I surely had my heart broken, but I was out there, and I feel good about things.

This year, my REAL resolution--besides the goal to lose weight--which I always SAY is my resolution--but I do nothing to follow through on that one--

My real resolution is to be more selfish.

I know, I know. But hear me out.

Too often I make decisions based on other people's needs.

I had a conversation with my dear friend Robin last week and she said that we are given the trials that we need. We are here to learn the lessons that we need to learn. I have always put myself--my feelings and my needs--behind everyone else.

If I was my Father in Heaven, I would want my child to learn how to care for herself before I ever allowed her to take on the role of caring for a family.

So thoughts of marriage and family are on the wayside this year. I am carefully making every decision based on my own personal needs. I will travel when and where I want to. I will take joy in service, because I feel a personal satisfaction in that. But, I will strive to learn how to better care for myself.

So far, so good.

For my birthday, I traveled to visit friends.
On the day itself, I only wanted to stay home and catch up with a friend at dinner. I didn't want a party. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. And so that's exactly what I did.

Today, I was offered the chance to live alone for the next few months, housesitting for a friend who will be out of town. It will save me some money, and I will have the chance to just be with myself for a bit. (Not that I don't have PLENTY of opportunities to be alone. . . )

I'm excited to downsize, downshift and to find new ways to care for myself.

Sometimes I feel like I'm slowly killing myself. This needs to stop. I need to treat myself in the way I'd want a dear friend to treat herself.

So there. That's my real resolution.

What's your real resolution this year?

Right now--I'm listening to a great winter mix:
Winter by Tori Amos, Wintersong by Sara and Ingrid, Men of Snow by Ingrid, Pittsfield by Sufjan Stevens, etc. etc.

Snowflakes

I found some poetry I had written back in 2003.

Here it is:

Of Snowflakes and Stars
by Eve

Some fall Fast--Diving like
Torpedos toward the Enemy.

Others float and turn--dancing
About their Friends.

Others still seem destined to Sanctify
the Ground they touch
and they fall Solemnly towards Earth--
Not unaware of a Trampling--
Nor Forgetful of the the Stars,
Whose faces memory can't hold.

But like Cherubic Mercenaries--
they dust the Drought with soft kisses of Life,
Over and over
Again and again
They melt into the dying filth,
to rise up with the Spring,
Gathering the roots of death upwards and upwards until
Flower and Tree are once again
Kissed upon the face of Starlight.

The Laundry Can Wait

The snow is falling.
I'm sipping a Diet Dr. Pepper that I've been nursing for two days now.
Eating leftover pizza from Thursday.
And in an hour, I'll dive into leftover birthday cake.
The house is frigid.
I'm sitting in front of the space heater, hoping it will make me warmer.
I'm wearing giant fuzzy slippers.
My laundry is halfway done.
I have clean clothes on my floor mixing with dirty ones because I never put the clean ones away.
I have clean clothes in the dryer that are currently incredibly wrinkly.
I have dirty clothes next to the washer ready to be washed.
By the time I'm done, I'm going to have to start over again.


I think I'll see what's on tv.

:)

Miss Piggy Sings of Love

This is one of my favorite videos of all time.

Oh the joy!

My Birthday Present

Yesterday was my birthday.

For my birthday, I went to visit some good friends.

I got to see these cute little faces everyday for 5 days.

Best. Birthday. EVER.

Freedom from Knowing

Lately we've been talking about Freedom vs. Determination in my ethics class.

I've been thinking about the things that we are predetermined towards. If you grow up poor, you're likely to stay poor. If you taste the sweet nectar of junk food--you're likely to want to eat junk food for the rest of your life. If you are taught to value education, then you will continue to value education as an adult.

Certain choices are determined by virtue of how we are raised.

But, education can help to free us from the determining factors in our lives. If someone told you, "Determining factors have conspired to make you choose to go and see Avatar at the movies tonight. You don't have a choice." --would you make a different choice? Maybe. Maybe not. The point is--by becoming aware of the determining factors in our lives, we can overcome them. We can face them head on.

The scriptures say that Eternal Life is to Know God and His Son. Through that knowledge, we are introduced to other options that free us from the limited determining factors. The second commandment is to Love our Neighbor, as Ourselves. I believe in order to obey both of these commandments--you have to come to know yourself. You have to come face to face with the determining factors in your life.

After facing them, you have the freedom to then decide to overcome these factors.

Choosing to overcome them is the first step. Finding the power to follow through on these choices is another matter. Because these are determining factors--it is much easier to fall into old patterns. We need the Savior in order to find the strength and the love to choose a better life.

If we bury our heads and refuse to really get to know ourselves, or to ask the hard questions--we will never really have the power to face our determining factors and change.

Restaurant Week

It's restaurant week in DC!

I enjoyed a wonderful meal at O'Connell's tonight. It was delicious and rich Irish food. I ate a lot of food and enjoyed it after 8pm. I have completely undone my New Year's Resolutions.

Mark Twain said, "Now is the accepted time to make your regular, annual, good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual."

It's officially next week.

Birthdays and Other Thoughts

My birthday is coming up soon.

At times like these, I want to figure out exactly what it is I have been doing on this little earth over the past few years.

Oh life, you are so funny to me.

In other thoughts--a lot of people are visiting this little bloggy because I made a random comment about Ingrid Michaelson and Greg Laswell possibly being married. I never noticed that a reader had posted a comment that said that they had been best friends for years, and now they were in the middle of dating. I love it! So, to update for those of you who, like me, missed that beautiful and informative comment--apparently they are happily dating. I wish them both the very best! I love their voices and their music. Both of them have such a gravity to their music that just stops my heart.

My favorite song from 2009 is Ingrid Michaelson's "Men of Snow". Here is a copy of the song to enjoy on this fine Friday afternoon.

I'll talk more about the horrible process of looking back, and why journaling is just depressing--in a later post.

Young Frankenstein!

Last weekend, Marcia and Christina and I enjoyed a brilliant performance at the Kennedy Center with Roger Bart himself as Young Frankenstein!

It was hilarious!

We sat on the third row, center. (Sigh.) I LOVE Roger Bart! He was a brilliant, calm straight man amidst the chaos and comedy that spewed from everyone else on the stage.

I was delighted. Now, there were a few moments of offense--but that's hardly surprising coming from Mel Brooks. They went a little overboard in one place, but overall--I had a great time!

Bern Vs. Michael Phelps

The infamous Bernard Bygott is at it again.

Bernard and I performed together in the Renaissance Season at the American Shakespeare Center back in 2006. He's an opera singer, italian commedia expert, and all round incredible guy.

And apparently, he does webisodes too!

For a 30 second laugh

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8912886706658828576#

Visit this handy dandy link.

Great Start

First week back at work is going great.

I love my classes--especially now that I've finally finished organizing the classes. I have a few more things to finish up--but we're on the home stretch.

I am supposed to help the youth in my ward create a music video for the Annandale Film Festival. I love it! I don't have a video camera. I know nothing about editing video. I think this is a riot!

Who knows how our first meeting will go tonight. My main goal is to NOT take away their creative freedom. I want to facilitate their creativity, not squash it. Hopefully it will work out well.

I need to get a whole slew of things done, but dagnabbit--my brain is fried from the last two days.

great new song

Babies

Bunches of babies are coming to earth in 2010. Some have already arrived.

So far Ethan Kingsley and Adam Nathan are here!

And more little cherubs are on their way! What I love the most is that these babies are coming to families that are amazing and strong. These babies are lucky kids. They are coming to families filled with love, hope, wisdom, and humor. These are such lucky, happy kids.

I believe that as these little kiddos come to us throughout this year--and trust me--the babies are coming!!--the world will be a better, brighter, lovelier place.

Thanks to all the moms and dads out there who work hard to create a beautiful home on earth for these cutie pies.

In a related note--my dear friend Randy lost his father yesterday. My heart breaks at his loss. I say it's related because with birth and death--heaven lingers in the air. The baby comes trailing clouds of glory. Lost Loved Ones travel between heaven and earth, warming our hearts as we think of them and remember their love.

I wish that Randy didn't have to lose his father at such an early age. I can't imagine.

Happy New Year!

The Lights at the Visitor's Center at DC Temple

The Temple. Floating in a Bank of Fog.

the Lovely and Talented Morgan Olsen

I have decided to redesign my ENG 320 class.

This means nothing to anyone but me.

I am excited to spend the next few hours reconstructing and refiguring this class.

This is joy to me.

Bring. it. on.

I should probably do laundry too.

By the way--HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I felt a palpable relief wash over me as 2009 slipped away into the night.

I had an amazing time last night. I attended Morgan Olsen's vocal performance at the DC Temple Visitor's Center. I got to see the beautiful lights at the Temple. I went to dinner with friends at Guapo's. And finally, I rang in the new year with dear friends and danced the night away!

It was wonderful. And someone actually asked me if I'd lost weight--(which is SOOOOO not true.) But it was nice to hear, and I'll be wearing that outfit again!

I've decided I'm going to keep 5 New Years Goals for 31 days. I promised my friend Danny that I would keep my goals for at least 31 days. (Why I have this need to prove my tenacity to Danny--I do not know. It could be that he's hot. But, whatever!)

Here they are:
Excercise for 1 hr/day on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday
No food after 8pm.
No candy or desserts on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.
Read scriptures for 30 minutes a day.
Meditate everyday for 20 minutes.

This seems lofty--but I think I can do it. I have 31 days! Who knows what you can achieve in 31 days!

Overall goals for the year:
Go to the temple 2x a month
Put at least $100 a month into a savings account. And don't touch it!
Do something nice for someone everyday
Travel somewhere every month

I have more goals--but these are the ones I think I can keep track of.

What are your goals for this year?

I'm so excited for the hope of 2010. It's going to be a wonderful year!!