Real Resolutions for 2010

The month of January is coming to an end.

I love my birthday and New Years, but it is utterly heartbreaking to look back at the year and think of all the resolutions that you DIDN'T keep.

Again.

But, to my credit, I did keep some important ones.

Last year, I decided to be open in love. I know it SEEMS like I'm always open, but I'm not. I am actually pretty closed off. This time, I decided to be actively aware and to be girlier.

I said yes. I went on dating websites. I dressed up. I did pretty well actually.

I dated more in 2009 than I have in all my years combined. Well, it feels like it anyhow. And I had a great time with some great guys. And some not so great guys.

I am sure I broke a couple hearts, and I surely had my heart broken, but I was out there, and I feel good about things.

This year, my REAL resolution--besides the goal to lose weight--which I always SAY is my resolution--but I do nothing to follow through on that one--

My real resolution is to be more selfish.

I know, I know. But hear me out.

Too often I make decisions based on other people's needs.

I had a conversation with my dear friend Robin last week and she said that we are given the trials that we need. We are here to learn the lessons that we need to learn. I have always put myself--my feelings and my needs--behind everyone else.

If I was my Father in Heaven, I would want my child to learn how to care for herself before I ever allowed her to take on the role of caring for a family.

So thoughts of marriage and family are on the wayside this year. I am carefully making every decision based on my own personal needs. I will travel when and where I want to. I will take joy in service, because I feel a personal satisfaction in that. But, I will strive to learn how to better care for myself.

So far, so good.

For my birthday, I traveled to visit friends.
On the day itself, I only wanted to stay home and catch up with a friend at dinner. I didn't want a party. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. And so that's exactly what I did.

Today, I was offered the chance to live alone for the next few months, housesitting for a friend who will be out of town. It will save me some money, and I will have the chance to just be with myself for a bit. (Not that I don't have PLENTY of opportunities to be alone. . . )

I'm excited to downsize, downshift and to find new ways to care for myself.

Sometimes I feel like I'm slowly killing myself. This needs to stop. I need to treat myself in the way I'd want a dear friend to treat herself.

So there. That's my real resolution.

What's your real resolution this year?

Right now--I'm listening to a great winter mix:
Winter by Tori Amos, Wintersong by Sara and Ingrid, Men of Snow by Ingrid, Pittsfield by Sufjan Stevens, etc. etc.