Ups and Downs

It's 11:34pm.
I've been in Utah for 11 days.
I've spent time with my Aunt MaryLou, Uncle Lee, Aunt Nancy, Uncle Doug, Nana, Popop, several cousins, my mom, step-dad, brother Nick, Heather, Chris, Kris, Grandma, and the members of my parent's ward at the Ward Picnic. It's been really nice to catch up with friends and family.
And I get to see more friends and family members this weekend!
I can't quite describe my feelings right now.
I have felt this looming depression for sometime.
I'm running from it, hoping that it just won't hit.
Hoping that I can distract myself from it.
I feel like I'm precariously balanced between two worlds.
Because I never really explained how miserable I was,
It's hard for people to understand why I make the decisions that I make.
Because I'm really not very open with people--
though I'm sure I come across as
entirely too open--
I have my ups and my downs.
But sometimes my downs are really really down.

I keep my downs from people
because it's nothing I haven't been able to handle on my own
for years.

I take time off.
I eat more than I should.
I watch tv.
I cry a little.
And I recognize that my misery will pass, as it always does.

Ups and downs.

Someday,
I will find a way to be happier.

In the meantime,

I'll go see funny movies
Go to dinner with friends
Go for walks
Go look at the meteor shower
And pretend like everything is hunky dory.