Tears Tears Tears

So... I cried at work today.

I work as a customer service agent. I like the phone part of my job. It is complicated and interesting and I've learned a lot during training.

BUT...

I'm in on the job training, and my lead coach is a 24 year old numbskull.

Last week, I was late from lunch and break--like everyone else.

For three weeks, things had been lax. I wasn't afraid of getting back on time, because no one else was returning on time. Instead of simply having a conversation with everyone, he pulled me aside with the head of the department. I promised to do better.

That afternoon, I miscalculated the time on my break and came back 5 minutes late. It was literally a result of doing the math wrong. And soooo...he wrote me up. This was after getting three great sales the hour before.

I've had this write up hanging over my head this week.

This morning, I arrived at work at 7am. I am not allowed to get on the phone until 9am. I watched my coach finally saunter over to us at 7:15 and fumble through idiotic small talk while encouraging us to peruse our study materials online on our own. I was already doing that, because I am interested in doing a good job. I heard the other coaches talking about a powerpoint we should read over. My tooth was aching, and so I distracted myself by diving into the powerpoint early.

After 30 minutes of talking about I don't know what... (he was at the other end of the cubicles and I couldn't hear him...) I laid my head down to calm the raging pain in my tooth. I understand that it probably appeared that I was asleep. I realize it isn't great to pay someone for sleeping on the job--but how is my laying my head down any more of a waste of time than hearing him blabber on about whatever...

He asked me why my head was down--I told him I had a toothache. He asked me if I wanted to visit with the supervisor. The last time this happened, I got written up. So, I immediately felt attacked. I snapped back, "I'll be fine. I read the powerpoint already." He said, "Are you giving me attitude!" Somewhere in the exchange, I said, "Stop asking me so many stupid f***ing questions."

Yup.

Soooo, the supervisor had ANOTHER talk with me. I spent the rest of the morning with tears streaming down my face. I have no patience when I'm in pain and tired. I felt threatened. And I was truly trying to be the best employee--but I was being treated like a rebellious high schooler.

I actually really like being on the job. I have tried to express my regrets to him and express that I understand the pressures he's feeling as a first time coach. But the man makes me feel so incredibly uncomfortable. It is a horribly uncomfortable working environment. I just hate that someone presumes that I am trying to be a bad employee.

As I looked around at lunch, I noticed the employees who had been around a long time. They looked like broken zombies. That's how you have to be in order to survive this job.

I have to find a new job. I almost rammed my car into oncoming traffic on the way home.

I am seriously in a crazy bad funk right now. And no, I'm not pmsing.

Tomorrow I'll talk about how much I detest dating. No more...No. More.