Allowing Magic

Last night I watched Saving Mr. Banks.

It's good. It's subtle. The magic in the show is in admitting the need for magic.

The theme seems to be that across the board, we all need more magic. So we rewrite our stories and add flying laughter and dancing penguins.

Too many times we revel in the reality of our struggle. We remove the magic from our day and think we're doing ourselves and everyone else a favor. That somehow by eradicating faith and hope, we are somehow further along.

Right now, I'm in a place where I feel acute reality. Still poor. Still fat. Still relatively bummed. I keep remembering sad times. My mind lights upon betrayals and the hurt that friends feel.

I'm filled with anger towards selfish people who who hurt my friends. I am seething over friends who choose selfishness and cling to every excuse possible for not growing up. I'm disappointed in my own wrong choices and hurtful behavior.

My mind is crowded with resentment and disappointment.

I need magic. I need to make room for dancing penguins. I need to let go of the sadness and the anger. I need a flying umbrella and to fly to the top of the ceiling with laughter.

But I don't want it right now. Right now, I just want to curl up and sleep. I want to cut myself off.

So how do you want the magic when you know you need it? How do you let the anger go? How do you ignore all the stupid people in the world?

Today I'm grateful for answers that will surely come. I'm grateful for dancing penguins and people dedicated to changing the story. I'm grateful for the desire that will surely well up inside of me as I allow it.