Last Night

Mornings have always been hard for me. I am a night person.

I am now married to a morning person. He cannot stay up past 10 pm. It is adorable.

As eventful as mornings can be, I still find myself wanting the solitude of the night.

So after everyone fell asleep last night, I snuck out of bed and began playing video games.

Not so much for the video games, but for the solitude.

I'm an introvert in a family now.

Sometimes I feel this twinge of burden when every moment is thinking about and taking care of the needs of everyone around me.  It's not that I don't have help--but sometimes I can't turn it off. I have a hard time making myself not think about what needs to be done, even when my mind really needs to take a little breather.

So late last night, I decided that I needed to just play.

And I did.

I played for a couple of hours.

It was rote and probably boring for anyone else watching.

I just cleared levels, jumped around, gathered lives, and came very close to beating the game.

Then at about 1 am, a little boy, clad in an oversized green tee-shirt, ran into the room and tumbled sleepily into my arms.

I said, "Daniel, did you have a nightmare?"

He said, with his eyes still shut, "I just want to be here with you."

And then he laid his head on my chest and raised his arms around my neck.

I sat like that for a minute, just holding him.

Antonio woke up and said, "Daniel, do you want to come here?"

I said, "No. He's okay. Go back to sleep."

I just held this little marshmallow boy in my arms and stroked his back.

I kissed his cheeks and rubbed my face in his hair.

And he slept peacefully.

After a bit, I laid him down on the lounge with a pillow and a blankie and crawled into bed with Antonio.

The next morning, Daniel woke up and said, "Why am I here?"

The little man sleeping peacefully on the lounge next to our bed.

He didn't remember anything about the night before.

Our little honeymoon is over. I am no longer novel, new, and fun. He prefers his babysitter Christi to me because she is fun. (I'll admit, she's pretty awesome.)

I'm mom now. I'm the one he yells at because I'm so mean. I'm the one who makes him brush his teeth and eat his vegetables.

I'm also the one he runs to in the middle of the night.

Honeymoons are overrated. I'd rather be a mom than a novelty.