My thoughts are jumbled up right now.
There's a fine line between being satisfied with mediocrity and loving yourself for who you are.
I feel like I'm walking this line with myself right now. I want to love myself for who I am, but as a result, I become complacent and I stop trying to better myself.
In order to try and better myself, I have to carefully find the motivation so that I can use my inherent strength to inspire myself to greater heights. If I am not careful, I can overwhelm myself if I look too closely at all the things I need to overcome.
In an effort to look carefully and honestly at myself and my relationship with God, I have overwhelmed my brain to the point of sheer exhaustion.
I slept through my alarm clock this morning.
I woke up at 8:06am. This is fine, except I have to leave my house by 8:10 in order to get to work on time.
Needless to say, I am not looking great right now.
I have got to focus my thoughts and my efforts on one point. I feel like I'm trying to hard to understand everything. I want to understand my future, my present and my past. I want to comprehend the whats and the whys. I want to be the best for everyone in the world, but I'm not entirely sure what is best for me.
I'm used to doing things that I'm good at. I'm used to being in situations that are comfortable for me. Work, friendship, art. These are familiar places for me. Being in a relationship is not familiar. I'm not great at it. I feel very inadequate. Don't get me wrong, I am happy. But I allow myself to doubt my capacity because I just don't know if I'm really any good at this. Whereas in my career, in my friendships, and in my art--I am quite confident in my strengths and weaknesses.
So I find myself over analyzing and feeling and just generally scrutinizing things ad nauseum.
This is exhausting to me.
I believe that one of the greatest blessings of the gospel is being able to place your burdens on the Lord.
My solution is to humble myself and say, "I suck at this. And that's okay."
I need to read my scriptures and pray. I need to trust that who I am is enough.
If I read my scriptures and I just relax, then I will be able to confidently just go about being my cool self.
So--no more self-doubt. Just faith, courage, relaxation.
I don't need to second guess happiness. I just need to chill and have faith.
Well, I feel better now. Thanks!
2 comments:
I really like you. If we lived closer to one another, we could invest in book clubs, or better yet, deep thought clubs. I couldn't sleep last night pondering some of the same thoughts...trying to understand the past, present, future and attempting to comprehend the whats, whys, and why nots. I had the same conclusion, too--I should read my scriptures and pray and turn it back over to the Lord. You are the master of your fate, Eve, and you are guiding yourself down a beautiful and glorious path!!!
Eve, that's called being a girl. It's not just you. ALL of us overanalyze. All of us are scared. Does it make you feel any better to know that?
Eventually it fades, as relationships solidify and continue (if they're good ones) But you are SO normal. SO OK.
I hope that helps you relax, along with the stuff you already know helps.
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