Breaking Bad

I want to write about this.

The hard part is writing about something that's still happening. And not giving away spoilers.

I would never give up spoilers. It takes the fun out everything.

But I will discuss themes.

So here's the theme from the latest episode.

Just living isn't enough. You have to live FOR something. And if you take away a man's reason to live, life becomes worse than death.

My heart broke for the living as I watched this episode.

It seems that my family lives with death on the horizon. We're comfortable with death. We joke about it. Banter it about. Talk about obituaries. The other day, my dad and I joked about it again.

And early this morning, I read about another death in the family--or connected to my family. I barely knew her. She's resting. She's at peace. But the living... have less reason to live. And that stings. You take away people's reasons for living, and life stings.

Our reasons are embedded in one another. With each loss, a part of our own reason erodes away. Death becomes a reprieve from the sting of life.

When considering whether I prefer to live or die, I have to consider my personal interactions with people. Do I have the power to make a difference in another person's life? How can I benefit someone else's life? And then I humble myself and remember that if I wasn't there to lift, someone else would step forward and do the lifting in that moment. Living isn't an obligation or a mission--it is an opportunity. I have this choice to be a part of someone's joy, or I can step back and someone else will have that opportunity.

It makes a difference when you live with longevity in mind. You treat people differently when you imagine that you'll be here for another 60 years. You create bonds of joy and meaning. You reach out. You allow yourself to be relied upon. When you live on the edge of death, you disperse your love sparingly and allow emotional reactions because what does it matter? You'll be gone soon. Why create bonds of meaning? It's kinder to just keep your distance.

To my friends and family members who live with death just over the horizon--pretend like it's not. Pretend like it's years away and enjoy a meaningful life of connection.

Today, I am grateful for my life. It feels short right now, but I'm going to pretend like it's long and see if I can't make a difference for myself and those around me.