My Heavenly Body

Closing a show is sad.

I read an interview where Drew Barrymore cried when ET finished filming because she viewed the fellow workers as family.

It's hard not to grow in love for a cast you work with.

In order to create on stage connections--you have to rely on and trust one another. Within days strangers become friends--and after a few short weeks, you become family.

At least that's how I feel about it.

Then you realize that maybe you're the only one.

Reality is lonely.

It's hard to know where you fit in with people.

Sometimes I wonder at my own narcissism or at my over abundance of emotions.

I see the world filled with separate planets that collide. We are each the center of our own universe. I see these little systems colliding. There are people who connect and they become a part of one particular solar system. Liz, Josh, and Meredith are in constant rotation around one another. Cassidy, Tammy, and Steve revolve around each other, with Kristina, Ryan and Sean maintaining close orbit. My mom and dad are their own tight solar system--and Kelli, Kim, and Jayson come by on their semi-annual visiting. Dad and Matt have their own little solar system out in Iowa. Everyone has a little interplanetary system that works for them.

So where do I fit in?

And why do I fit so well with some people?

I am this random bouncing asteroid. I burn brightly in the night and I sail from one solar system to another. I easily fit myself among other heavenly bodies--but I don't have my own gravitational pull.I simply fall in and out of different paths.

I think of the cast of Reefer Madness and I wonder if that's why we connected so quickly. All of us, fleeting asteroids, so happy to find this large planet of a play that pulled us all in where we immediately connected in the night sky.

And now we're floating again.

I think of the friends who choose to connect to me and I wonder what draws them to me. Is it love? Is it pity? Is it enough to keep the friendship in orbit or can I come and go without any real shift?

I'm trying to be the best little asteroid in the sky. I'm trying.

But right now I feel like I'm hanging in my own dark sky. I need a planet, another planetary body. Something to connect with.

Today I'm grateful for odd drawn out metaphors publicly displayed in a blog.

I'm a dorky little asteroid.