Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Render Unto Caesar

I just read the following article.

Scout's Honor--written By PETER ZUCKERMAN

In the article, the writer outlines a horrific account of how a young scout leader in Eastern Idaho got away with molesting 27 boys over several years, despite countless warnings that he was a pedophile.

The argument was that his Bishop vouched that he had taken proper steps towards recovery and that he was a returned missionary now.

If you want the full acount, read the article.

After reading the story, I began to ponder a sticking point I have within LDS communities, and perhaps all religious communities--although I can't pretend to know about others since my experience is pretty limited in that regard.

Too many times, we forget that spiritual crimes are also against the laws of the land. But within religious communities, we believe that by simply trying people within spiritual courts that justice has been served.  A man who has gone through a repentance process with his Bishop has certainly undergone a spiritual trial of sorts, but it does not excuse his obligation to face  his responsibilities as a citizen of the land, as well as a member of a church community.

Render unto Caesar... separation of church and state...

Justice must be served. The bishops job is to help the criminal to find peace, forgiveness and to change through the power of Christ.  While spiritually we believe that only God will judge his crimes and know his heart--I believe true repentance can only come after a person pays their debt to society by acknowledging their sins in court and paying for their crimes in order that justice in the land might be served.

So why is it that so many sexual offenders get such limited sentences?

This is one example.  I can think of several examples of similar instances where someone guilty of sexual abuse never paid for their crimes within the justice system.

So my soap box tonight is this: when a man or woman breaks a law of the land-- how can they possibly have repented of their crimes until they have paid their debt to society by admitting their actions in court and paying the price that the laws of the land demand?

Monday, October 3, 2011


I have had a struggle with my weight for years. When I was 12, I weighed 130 pounds. That doesn't seem like a lot, but when your friends are freaking out because they're over 100 pounds, it's enough to give you a bit of a complex.

I gained 40 pounds my 9th grade year and found myself around 170.  I hovered between 170-190 throughout college.  On my mission I was about 230. My senior year of college, I got back down to 200.

In 2008, I was about 270. I dropped to 230. In 2010, I was back up to 270. I dropped to 230 again. In 2011, I'm back up to 270.

I don't feel unattractive, but I feel squashed. I feel like all of my organs are squished together.

I feel like the weight gain comes as a result of being easy on myself because everything else is hard.

I know how to lose weight--obvioiusly--but I'm horrible at keeping up with those choices.

I know the rules, I have a bunch of diet food from the last diet. I have my reasons, but I have got to stop hiding from it, stop telling myself "tomorrow" and just do it already.

The big bummer is my 15 year high school reunion is in two weeks. I wonder how much weight I can lose in two weeks! (hardee har har)

Between the weight gain, the heart break, the feeling that I'm in limbo--I haven't felt great.  I went to the temple on Wednesday. I spent the whole time trying to find what I needed, and the only thing I could think to ask for was just healing. I just needed healing. My chiropractor described microtears in my muscles that had weakened my back causing it slip out of alignment. I feel like my heart is filled with microtears. I just don't have the strength to carry heart ache the way I could before. My muscle in my heart just isn't strong enough. I went seeking healing.

I'm not quite there yet, but I'm getting closer.  Last night I went out with a nice guy. Before, I would have allowed myself to "go with the flow" in order to make myself more attractive to him. I would have laughed at his innuendos or taken his suggestion to go to his place to "cuddle". I like cuddling and he wasn't unattractive. But I didn't need what he had to offer. He wasn't right for me, and rather than just going with the flow, I said good night.  No good night kiss--no nothin. He wasn't happy with that. But I felt stronger. I felt the microtears in my heart healing a little bit as I stood up for my own needs.

I need to extend my healing from dating to exercising my will power and my power to make healthy eating decisions.

It's only been a few days, but I can feel myself healing, little by little everyday.