Sunday, August 31, 2008

The new bed

Here are random pictures of my new bed. I should go get my camera. Instead I'm taking them with the computer camera. Stupid. I know.

Lucky Me

I was thinking about the good friends that I have this afternoon.

Sara is an amazing mother. I talk about gardening, but I keep forgetting to water my plants. And then they die. I imagine that someday I might be able to take care of living things, but right now--I'm just happy to feed and water myself. Sara--feeds and waters plants as well as children!! And both grow up to produce great fruits!

Alicia just finished college and she and her cute family are off to law school together. She is an independent thinker and someone that I really respect. And her kids are just so stinking cute!!

Heather doesn't quite realize how amazing her gift for thinking of others is. She isn't there when the beautiful flowers she sends--FOR NO REASON EXCEPT THAT SHE'S PSYCHIC AND KNOWS THAT YOU NEED IT--but I wish she could be. She would see her friends tear up a little, so grateful that someone in this world understands.

Crystal is a living miracle. She has survived so much. And done so well. She is such a good mother and a brilliant teacher! I had the honor of sitting in her class and I was mesmerized. She is intelligent and beautiful and kind.

Lesley is beautifully complicated. She has the soul of an artist--but she functions so well! (I know, it's amazing!) We did a show together this summer, and afterwards, Spencer told me that he was amazed by her talents. We both sighed at her genius--both of us wishing we could create the amazing electricity that Lesley creates when she is on the stage. But she's more than just an amazing artist--she is a wonderful friend. And she's so stinking humble!

I feel like my world is filled with amazing people who have touched my life in so many ways.

I love reading Melanie's blog and seeing how beautiful her family is. I love seeing her creativity and seeing that she continues to serve and love her friends and family so well.

Thank you for being my friends.

If I forgot someone, no worries!! I'll just write another blog!

Saturday, August 30, 2008

It's hot in here, It's hot and It's monotonous

I am so hot right now.

I spent the morning canvassing. I'm trying to put my money where my mouth is and volunteer for the Democratic Party. I knocked on 50 doors. I had a nice time. People are really taking ownership in this election, and that's exciting.

I am home now. There are two projects I need to work on--editing papers and editing photos. I need to just bite the bullet and get them done. But, my dear sweet roommate left the house completely vacuumed from top to bottom--God bless her soul!!--and all the windows were open and the a/c was off. It is 84 degrees in here right now.

I'm sitting in my underwear trying not to die of heat stroke after being out in the sun all day.

I wish I had something more interesting to type about.

I don't.

I'm hot and boring.

Well, back to procrastinating!!

Friday, August 29, 2008

Politics of Eve

Four years ago, I lived in Iowa City. Iowa is a hotbed for primary political rallies. I went to a rally held at the University of Iowa campus. I went with Randy, a lifelong mormon democrat, Mike, a conservative, and Dan, a moderate. We were excited to be a part of the political process. We wanted to find someone we could cheer for. Someone who would outline a clear path that we could fight for and believe in. Instead, each politician clearly marked why we should not vote for Bush. But they never told us why we should vote for them. Well, friends, voting is an active process. You can't cast your ballot AGAINST someone. You can only vote FOR someone.

And so despite GW's failings, he won. Because at least people knew what they were voting for.

Four years later, the biggest difference in the Democratic Party, is that they're finally beginning to define themselves clearly. Yes, they continued to attack the republican party--but they also outlined a clear economic alternative to the joke that is "trickle down" economics. Obama outlined ambitious environmental goals--and made them seem possible and worth working towards. I felt myself smiling the whole time. I was happy to hear all the things that we can accomplish! It was a positive conference. I didn't feel like I was voting against something, I felt like I was voting FOR for something. Well, I will be anyway.

So here's where I stand politically:

I believe that government is there to enrich and enable. The less I see them, the better things go.

I believe that taxes should be paid in order to create a sense of peace and security. I pay taxes to know that evil will be regulated and that justice will be served.

I believe that certain issues should be regulated within the home and within the churches. I am pro-life in practice. I believe absolutely in the sanctity of life. If I vote for a candidate who is pro-choice, what am I risking? Is he going to make abortion legal? Oh wait! It already is! George Bush is pro-life--he didn't exactly pass legislation making abortion illegal. This is not an issue that I'm willing to change political parties over. Instead, I will personally and privately share my views with charity and allow people to continue making their own choices. It's still about choice. It's not like people are being forced to have abortions!

So, that's me. I believe in the issues that the Democratic Party is fighting for. I believe that the other issues (gay marriage, abortion) are constitutionally private issues. Marriage is a church issue. Abortion is a private/church issue.

I believe in the voucher system for education. Again, it's about privacy and choice. If a child wants to stay home or go to a private school--they should have that choice.

Can you see a theme here? I believe in liberty to choose. I believe in a government that upholds those liberties and trusts the people to govern themselves. I also believe that some issues need government regulation--like the environment and the economy.

I guess I'm an odd combination of Libertarian and Democratic. Strange, I know. But, that's what I think. Nuff said.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

soooo tired

I'm tired.

I'm bushed.

I'll drink Monster, I'll down gallons of Coke, I'll take cat naps, I'll go running . . .

I am tired.

Last night I slept walked through a lecture on Shakespeare. Normally, I'm ecstatic to talk about Shakespeare--but last night I couldn't get my energy up there. I went to the gym yesterday afternoon thinking that an invigorating workout would help and I nearly died after 3 miles. No invigoration--just exhaustion.

I went to the foot doctor and he gave me a shot of cortisol. Holy cow shots in the bottom of the foot hurt like crazy!!! I woke up for that.

Than I went to Wendy's, ate a taco salad, and fell asleep in the parking lot.

Truly, I could change the world with this kind of mind boggling energy.

And I'm actually considering taking on an 8th class. Someone please shoot me.

Monday, August 25, 2008


Today we barbecued. It was a great day for meat!

I dug out all the old meat in the freezer and marinated it in a teriyaki ginger marinade. Then my roommate CJ and I had 4 hot and hungry men over for dinner. We all devoured the meat without blinking. I ate chicken, a burger and a hot dog.

It was incredible.  The meat anyway. I feel very good about myself right now. I am smart and beautiful. I have a lot of great things going for me. But, despite my advantages, I am never quite sure what to say to boys. I do well when I'm working with guys, but when I'm talking to them on a social level--I have a serious lack of confidence. I watch my roommate flirt so easily with the guys. I blabber about politics and nerdy philosophies. One of the guys was as nerdy as I was, and I gazed at him in adoration--but he's as clueless as I am when it comes to flirting.  

How on earth do you married people make this happen??

I am so clueless!

It just seems like a miracle to me. I have a hard time knowing what to talk about when there isn't an assigned topic of discussion--like a work subject, or a common project to talk about. 

So, here's a list of questions I'm going to ask the next time I'm "socializing" with really hot guys:

1) How are you doing?
2) What do you think of the weather? Pretty hot, eh? 
3) Do you like to read? 
4) What is your favorite vegetable?
5) If you could be any animal, what would it be?

Questions to avoid:

1) Have I told you about my cramps?
2) Are you a democrat or a republican?
3) How many kids do you want?
4) Do I look fat in this shirt?
5) Can I touch your face?

I'm working on it. I will be a dating pro in the blink of an eye! I will be a social genius! No, better, I will be in a happy relationship where I can ask all the stupid questions I want--and he will laugh at me and enjoy my "idiosyncrosies". And then we'll go make-out where it won't matter that I don't know what to talk about. 

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Well, way too much money later--and the room is almost done.

I'm going to Eastern Market tomorrow to get something exotic looking to put over the bed, and then I will officially have a decorated, livable room.

I'm pleased as punch.

I need to take pictures!! And post them!! But I'm laying in my new bed, and I'm too lazy to do any such thing.

My next goal is to write a book. It took me a year to finally get my room done. I figure it'll take a week to write a book.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

forgetful focus

I don't know if the subject line makes any sense at all, but . . .

I have two freelance type jobs that I do--tutoring and photography.  As I was driving home last night I realized that I had completely spaced editing a paper for a tutoring student. How do you forget a project entirely??

I was supposed to have it done by last Friday. I didn't even think about it this week. 

I'm a little overwhelmed by how easy it was to completely space that job. 

I need to focus!! 

But sometimes things just happen that require my focus. Like finding a free bed on Tuesday!! I am so happy. It's a beautiful Ikea full size bed .

I bought deep red sheets. They're so soft and satiny! Soooooo, after sleeping on a mattress on the floor or on a metal futon for the last four years--I have a real bed!! 

I spent the last two days focusing on this task. I had to find the manpower and the truck to haul it with. And I accomplished this task. But I completely forgot everything else I was supposed to be doing. So this weekend, I will work on remembering everything else, while lounging in my giant full-size bed. 

Monday, August 18, 2008

Weekend Events

Things I did this weekend:

1) Started reading Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials chronicles. (This deserves it's own blog.)
2) Walked to Target with my roommate and went to the Silver Diner with some old friends.
3)Bought a Mac. (Whoopee!!!)
4) Got a giant discount as an educator. And a free ipod! 
5) Took myself to a movie--this time it was NOT rated R. I went to the travelling pants movie. It was a crack up. I was sitting next to these cute little girls who kept whispering to each other--"I bet the pants are going to fly through the window! Wouldn't that be funny!"
6)Went to church where i made crazy comments and kept things as lively as possible. 
7) Stayed up until 4:30am reading Pullman and listening to radiohead and fionn regan on my ipod.
8) Made up stupid songs in church because I was so tired after staying up until 4:30am. Songs like, (to the tune of "More Holiness Give Me") --More Monster Drink Give Me, More Caffeine within . . .  You get the point.
9) Read more.
10) Went to the gym. While driving away in my horribly sweaty state, a guy hit on me while crossing the street. I made up a fake boyfriend and pleaded with the light to change!! Asking for money is one thing, asking for my virtue--well, that's a whole different bag of chips!

All in all, it was a pretty low-key weekend.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Great Expectations

Life is changing. I have been feeling really down and out lately. I could speculate on the whys and the wherefores, but I already know why, and I don't really care if you know why! (Not that I don't care, but the reasons are stupid and complicated.)

Needless to say, things are looking up. I'm crawling out of my dreary little hole. The difficult thing about the way I was feeling is that for all intents and purposes, I should have felt divine. I set some goals about some needed purchases: a car, a computer. I told myself that I was going to pay off my debts, and be able to purchase these things--all before the new year. I have the journal entry where I wrote down these goals, and it's hilarious because I warily wrote down that I would make $-,000 in 10 weeks. I was so afraid to write down such a large figure.

And as I wrote down that figure, that attainable figure, I realized that it would take a miracle for me to be able to buy a new car, pay off my cc debt, and buy a computer with that amount.

So three days later, I get a memo that they've decided to standardize the adjunct pay. They also decided to pay us according to the number of students we have. It was heart attack central waiting to see how many students I would have. At the end of the week, I ended up with plenty of students in 6 classes. The number I wrote down before--I'll be making almost double that figure.

This is miraculous. This is something to have a cow about. And yet, I feel pretty calm. It's simply the number required for me to be able to reach my goals. And that's simply something I should expect. I have worked hard, and it's not asking for too much to simply expect that I should be able to support myself working at a job I love.

But, seriously, I have to pinch myself. I'm making a livable wage doing something I love. I feel like the luckiest person in the world.

As for love, I'm excited for it. I realized that a bit of my sadness is that I spent the past few months in an emotionally intimate relationship with the wrong guy. I love him, but he is not the right guy for me. But, because of the blessing of spending so much time with him, I realized that I enjoy a life that involves depending on someone else. I've been so independent for so long, it was a lesson I needed to learn. So my sadness comes in that after learning how joyful it is to travel with someone, and how joyful it is to run off and do spontaneous things with a partner in crime--it's been very difficult returning to life as a lone ranger. I enjoyed a great weekend in Staunton. I loved being with my friends, but I missed having a partner in crime. He really was a lovely addition to my life. And he still is. We're still wonderful friends, but he's just not THE guy.

Anywhoooo, the point is--I know what I'm missing now. And that cuts. But it also reminds me to want more in life. And to expect more. It's like the money thing, there's nothing particularly out of the ordinary expecting to have your needs met when you work hard and love what you do. It's not a miracle getting a new car and a new computer. And frankly, being in a great relationship with the RIGHT guy isn't miraculous either. It's to be expected!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Last night we talked about politics and propaganda in World Literature. I wish it would have been a better discussion, but everyone kept stating the obvious and then moving on. I really need to come up with better questions. The content of this class intrigues me, but discussing literature for 4.5 hours is just stupid. People stop being interested. It's easier to stretch Ethics. Somehow people perk up when you're talking about religion or killing mothers and presidents.

We ended things earlier than I had planned, despite my best efforts.

So I went to the movies. I need to not think right now. I need to not process my life. I'm living in this vague and numb limbo place in my mind. So long as I'm working, and not thinking, I'm fine. So I read books, go to shows and keep the tv on. I just don't want to be alone with myself in my mind.
I'm going to pull out of this funk eventually, but right now, I just want to float. I'm not sure that's a good way to describe this. I don't WANT to do anything--but I'm going to float. It seems the lesser of two evils. Or rather, the easiest choice.

Oh well.

Monday, August 11, 2008

This Weekend

Corey--The Bride

Sybille Bruun--the director, of Hamlet, part 2.

Heidi--I picked her and Marybeth up in Chinatown Thursday night and we caught up on her adventures as a casting agent in NYC.

Rick--he's now acting with ASC's touring company. We went to grad school together. It was good to see him, even if it was for just a moment during the interval at Hamlet.

Greg Phelps--He played Andrew Aguecheek in Twelfth Night and Edgar in King Lear. I took these headshots last spring. He's a great clown/leading man. His Andrew Aigucheek was wonderful.

Natasha Solomon--the latest photographic victim. She's so young! I love taking headshots in Staunton.

Corey Vincent (Holmes)

This weekend:

Corey married Adam on 8/8/08 in an octagonal barn.
I went to grad school with Corey. She is one of the kindest, most beautiful people in the world. I was so happy to see her happy.

This weekend:

I went to the American Shakespeare Center and watched Twelfth Night and King Lear on Saturday, then watched the Young Company perform a three-part Hamlet. It was a long day in the theatre, but I was able to see lots of old friends.

I stayed with Lesley and Robert--who are always kind and gracious hosts. And I was able to spend lots of valuable time with Heidi and Marybeth who came into town from NYC.

Overall, this weekend was lovely. I feel good about where I am right now, and I feel good about the people I've been able to meet and rub shoulders with. The pictures are only a small sample of the people I was able to meet and greet. It was a nice weekend.

On a side note--I finished Breaking Dawn.

I can't tell you how much I laughed at a certain part of the book--and if you've read it then you know EXACTLY what part I'm talking about. (Then again--there were so many moments like that.)

Best job ever

Lots to catch up on.

My first week of school, for this quarter, was wonderful. I am a little overwhelmed by my luck. I get to do a job I love, and make good money doing it! I feel very blessed.

I'm teaching 6 classes this quarter--2 College Comp, 2 World Lit, 2 Ethics.

I teach 2 online courses, and have Fridays off. I know! It's a fantastic schedule!!

I've taught most of these classes before, so I have my lectures and quizzes already prepared--but I'm ecstatic about coming up with lectures and tests for my World Lit classes. Tomorrow night we're talking about politics and propaganda in literature. And next week, we're going to discuss Sor Juana and Octavio Paz! I think I've died and gone to literary heaven! I had such a blast finding the stories and topics for this class. We're going to study Shakespeare and Sanskrit drama! And I could go on forever about this class.

Tonight though, tonight I'm teaching the Ethics in Religion lecture. (sigh . . . )

I never realized that I could find a job that incorporated all of my interests so beautifully.

For those of you in the state of Utah, I bought a plane ticket! I'll be home from Dec 12th to Jan 4th. So let's play!!

Sunday, August 3, 2008

The Consequences of Faith

Yesterday, I attended the baptism of a friend--Frank.

After the baptism, while he and the missionary who baptized him were getting into dry clothes, we watched a video on Joseph Smith's first vision. As I watched it, a few thoughts came to my mind. I jotted them down. Here they are!

I believe it is our willingness to believe in the miraculous that makes us a delightful people.

That willingness to believe extends into every facet of our lives. We take chances, we have faith in ourselves, and our families, our careers, despite all evidence to the contrary.

The story of Joseph Smith is at the root of what separates our doctrine from other Christian doctrines. And our willingness to believe in modern day miracles and visions is what sets us apart as a people from the rest of the world.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Organizing my life

I'm trying to be good. I'm trying to be organized.

I have a big desk now.
I have my books on a desk.

I've been working out. I still ate Mac and Cheese last night after boiling water for steel oats. (It was going to take 30 minutes to cook steel oats!! Who has that kind of patience?!)

I have made a few goals lately:

I want to make more money.
I want to buy a new car.
I want to lose weight.

In order to achieve these goals, I have been trying very hard!

And yesterday, a glorious thing occurred!! My Dean emailed me and told me that I am going to make 35% more per class that I'm teaching! The only qualification is that each class has to have at least 5 students. I won't know how many students are in each class until next week. I feel like I've just been told that I have the winnning lottery ticket, but I won't know for sure until they read the numbers next Friday. I might just go crazy with anticipation.

So that should take care of the money and car!

I just need to stop eating mac & cheese at 11pm. I ran 3 miles yesterday! I'm great at exercising. I just need to embrace my inner health nut and start eating right.

Although . . . .I find that when I'm making out with a really hot man . . . .I'm not really hungry.

Ah food. I do love you. You aren't insulting. You aren't condescending. You're there for me when I need you. And you taste so good on my lips.