Friday, April 23, 2010

God's Love

I've been pondering my life, my choices, and where I hope to go, who I hope to become, etc.

I've kind of forced myself into a thoughtful exile.

I called my dad last night and had a wonderful conversation with him about my feelings about everything. He reminded me of some key truths that I had forgotten. I enjoyed a nice dinner and started fasting.

Throughout this day of fasting, I've felt myself receiving epiphany after epiphany through scriptures, memories brought to mind, and constant support from friends I've been able to connect with throughout the day.

Clarissa and I texted throughout the afternoon. I was able to have a wonderful conversation with the ever busy Sara. This evening, Crystal called. Even Clay called three times. Granted it was to figure out if there were any parties going on this weekend. And this evening Marcia came over and we went out to Sushi, then came back to the house and enjoyed strawberry pie.

My life is on the precipice of something. I'm living in transition right now. I am in a temporary living situation, in a job that feels more and more temporary--despite my three years there.

I want to jump confidently into the next phase of my life. I want to know that I'm not sacrificing some part of who I am in my decisions. I just want to confidently embrace the next phase of my life, whether that means that I'll be in NYC doing a show this fall, in Utah dating a hot guy, or in DC continuing my work as a professor.

I fasted today for guidance, but more than anything I just need to feel confidence in my ability to choose wisely and trust that my Heavenly Father will guide my steps as He always has.

This truth was evidenced in the constant outpouring of love I felt throughout the day from dear friends who had no idea that I was fasting--they just randomly called. Or texted. Or came over and offered to buy me sushi.

God loves me. :)


Salmon Tolman Family said...

Kala loves you too.
You are speaking words of things I have been constantly thinking about pondering life and receiving many epiphanies. I've been telling Josh for weeks that I'm living in a transitional period right now between phases of my life, and I'm so ready for the next step. I can feel it deep inside, and it's brought on all the deep thoughts lately and the knowledge and power of God's love. I wish you all the best in your endeavors, you will be successful in whatever you decide, because you ARE Genesis Eve Speer!! You are good at whatever you put your heart and mind to, and I love and admire that about you!

Eve said...

Thank you so much Kala! I always hesitate to share such personal things, but then I get a comment like this and I know it was good to share. Thank you thank you!!

Crystal said...

For the record though, I called after thinking about it all. day. long. I love you, Eve, you are so much to me. So many things, so many examples, so many memories, so many lessons... You are SO MUCH to me.

Guidance will come and sometimes it may not even feel like a real thing, and sometimes it may feel like something you have never considered, but ask and ye shall receive.

I love you, girl!