I realize I don't process stress very well.
I absorb it.
I read recently that fat protects your organs from toxins. The fat holds onto the toxins. Often as you release fat, you're also releasing toxins.
I have a lot of fat with which to absorb toxins.
But if I'm releasing fat--I'm also releasing toxins.
Yesterday, the combination of incoming stress and outgoing stress made me feel just horrible.
I had a massive headache. My guts felt disgusting. Everything just felt icky. As for eating, I didn't realize until 10pm that I really didn't eat a lot yesterday. I had a couple servings of rice and a green smoothie. But I wasn't hungry. Probably because I was around food all day. I made a big meal to refrigerate for work. I went grocery shopping, etc. I think I satisfied my hunger with my eyes.
I tried to release the stress through meditation. I went outside under a tree and meditated. I meditated inside. I spent much of the day trying to release stress. But I still felt crappy.
Finally, I went to the temple.
I almost didn't go. But I made a commitment to myself. I ironed my dress. I got in the car at 6--hoping to get there 45 minutes early.
I managed to take the world's slowest route to the temple.
I missed the 7pm session and ended up going on the 7:30pm session.
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Letting go of the protective barrier of fat is difficult. Carrying around the protective layer has made it possible for me to face many stressful situations in the past. I have to learn how to deal with stress in a different way. I do not have the luxury of absorbing it. I have to figure out different tools for dealing with stress. First, I'm going to allow myself to be bad at it. I'm going to patiently accept that I might have a day where I feel yucky and where I have a temper tantrum.
If I don't say the right things, if I lash out--I apologize right now. I'm learning.
It's going to be a journey, but I am so grateful for this new adventure!
(Lest this entry scare people into trying the latest detox diets--let me share what I've learned.)
To Detox:
1) Eat fresh fruits and vegetables.
2) Drink plenty of water.
3) Oxygenate your body through exercise.
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