Sunday, May 9, 2010

Silver Lining

The other day, I watched the sun sail through gray clouds. The clouds were still there.

The sun just shined through.

Some of the clouds were gray, some were white. The grayest clouds looked silver.

I saw a literal silver lining in the sky.

I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to die.

Right now, I'm happy. I don't quite know what to do with myself.

I almost feel guilty for being so happy.

It might be because I'm in love, but quite honestly, I think love came along because I decided that being happy was the only option.
I want to figure out a way to explain the change that came over me, but I can't.
When you stop caring about whether you live or die, you kind of cross a line into a world beyond cares.

I embrace the sun and the clouds. I love my dark side. I love my light.
I embrace my anger as justified--and I embrace my right to be unjustified in my misery.
I don't need to explain my feelings to anyone.
If I feel it, it is valid.
The word justification isn't even necessary.

Every part of me shapes my horizon.
And I embrace the joy of shining through.

Joy is complicated. It requires both pathos and solutions.
Joy is hope and misery.
Joy is sorrow and laughter.
Joy is a silver lining.

I don't escape my misery. I embrace it as an integral part of a joyful horizon.

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