Dreams... Gratitude...
I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm sad. I cry too much. But I don't have the energy to be sad around other people. So in public, I am just the most endearing soul. I laugh, I dance. I twirl. I crack jokes. I'm truly amazing.
Work is good in that I have a job. It's good to have work. I am grateful for this.
Over and over again, when people find out I have my masters and I'm working in sales...
But I have full health benefits.
And I get to go home at 6pm every single night. And I have weekends.
And the sun is shining. The sun. Is. Shining.
I am sitting on a lovely comfortable chair that my mom gave me, watching a television that Heather gave me... I am blessed.
Every time I sit down to type I am sad, but I know I shouldn't be.
For goodness sake, I'm on antidepressants!!
But today I drove past Chris's work. I saw his car. I listened to Adele. And I cried. I cried and I cried.
It's been four months since he called and told me that he still loved me. And that he was marrying another woman. Four months. And my heart still breaks every single day.
So this is my blog. This is my effort to not be a total mess. To show some gratitude. To be okay in spite of the fact that I can't see beyond my current pain.
I'm trying. I'm really really trying. I'm doing everything I know how to do to be all right. But I completely and utterly suck at life right now.
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