Friday, July 31, 2015

My Musings About This Good Man

Antonio is setting up light painting.
A rare moment of rest. He had just taken Daniel to the pool and made us all an amazing dinner.

Every day we work really hard.

We get up early in the morning and our whole lives are dedicated to making our family work.

Antonio is a morning person. I'm a night person. Between the two of us, we manage to keep things going from dawn to dusk. By the time we fall into bed, we're both completely hammered from the day. We feel like two old people. Daniel keeps us young. He also keeps us exhausted--both mentally and physically. Because he is SMART! Dang that kid is smart.

Morning rituals are basically Antonio making breakfast (on his two days off) or Antonio climbing out of bed at 4:30am and me mumbling something through my mask. Often, I'm up by 7am, running around trying to get stuff done before work so that we can enjoy our evenings a little more.

But there's always more to do.

Yesterday, I worked and Antonio had the day off. He was amazing. He did bunches of housework, helped take care of his mom's lawn, took Daniel shopping, moved a fridge for one of my customers, and basically was an all round superhero. We fell asleep in an exhausted heap last night.

This morning, I woke up with his alarm clock. I had to use the bathroom. I got out of bed and he said, "Where are you going?"

I said, "I'm going to work."

He said, "Where?"

I said, "At (place where he works)!"

I was joking, but I was also trying to feel in my bones how hard it must be to work such long hours every morning.

I felt this complete admiration for this amazing man.

The world was dark outside. After he left, I climbed back into the soft bed and slept for another 3 hours. I lie. I totally slept in until 8:30am this morning.

He went to a sleep study where they said he stops breathing every minute. He is only breathing 34 seconds out of every minute. He is exhausted. We're working on getting that remedied, but in the meantime, he is so tired.

He deserves to be healthy and happy. He is physically fit. He is loving. He eats well. I want him to be healthier so that he can enjoy life instead of having to suffer through such long days after such exhausting sleep.

He is always trying. He is always going the extra mile and making the extra effort for me.

I had this horrible fear last night that someday he might stop trying so hard. The honey moon phase might pass and he might change. I realized that I want to take care of him and make sure that I respect him and make sure that I take care of him and support him as much as he cares for me so that he doesn't lose his light.

I know it's unfounded. I just want to make sure I am good to him.

Because he is so good to me.

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