I've been talking with a new friend Abraham. Here's a list of Abraham's qualities: he's nice, good looking, he travels with his work to Africa and other exotic places, he appreciates great music and art, he enjoys sports, and he's a loyal friend. I met him because he is one of Spencer's good friends--so I know he's a good person to know.
This isn't a male or female thing, because I do the same thing when I meet an interesting new girl friend too--but whenever I meet someone who is interesting and cool--I automatically wish that I was cooler. I try to make myself seem more interesting than I am. I try to convince them to think that I'm cool too.
It's stupid because people who do this to me annoy the hell out of me, so I expect I must annoy the hell out of my cool new friends too.
I know I'm interesting and I've done cool things too--and I don't need to show people that. You are who you are and the good folks will stick around long enough to see the good in you. But he's really cool, and I really want to be his friend.
I am totally pathetic. Honestly, if Spencer didn't have to drive 9,000 miles with me this winter, he'd have never made it through this stupid phase of our friendship. I swear I am the most annoying thing in the world right now.
Ah well, hopefully I have enough self-knowledge to shut up about myself and just enjoy how lucky I am to get to know interesting and "cool" people. I have always been a little nerd. I will always be a little nerd, and the sooner I get used to it, the sooner I'll find peace.
I remember the first time I met Sister Tachini. I was wearing a lavender gingham dress. Yep. Gingham. I was tres chic. I swear. . . Now that I think about it, if my companions weren't forced to live with me and get past my insecure show off phase, I don't know that any of them would have thought much of me. My dear Sister Bush, how I must have tortured you.
I shall overcome and find love for myself--the kind of love that allows me to sit back and enjoy new people instead of torturing them by talking about myself incessantly in a bid to make them like me! I shall overcome!! I'm 30 for pete's sake!!