One week ago, I told Chris I was done.
During the past week, I have learned one thing about myself and my interests:
After being with Chris, and "talking" to a couple other guys last week--I will be content with only two scenarios.
a. I want to be with Chris.
b. I want to be alone.
Conclusion: Other guys suck.
All last week, I was making peace with the idea that things with Chris were over. I cried. I pondered. I prayed. But mainly, I felt peace. I was very sad that I felt peace with an ending that painted Chris out of my life. But, peace is peace.
I wouldn't let myself believe that anything could change. It just seemed too much to ask for.
I love Ingrid Michaelson's music. I listened to all of her "angry--it's over" music. I avoided listening to songs filled with hope, because I didn't want to get my hopes up.
Sunday I went to church and listened to a talk on relationships. Tears welled. I tried not to listen. I tried to numb myself. I don't encourage playing games on the phone during church, but I just needed to stop thinking. Bejeweled saved me from the pesky thinking thing.
On the drive home, I let a happy Ingrid song sneak into my ears. I even let myself sing along.
I never really revealed the reason why things ended. I'll give you a vague overview.
Chris told me some things that were deal breakers.
I believed he told me these "deal breakers" because he wanted me to end things. Even though I ended it, I believed that he wanted me to end it. That doesn't exactly make me a heartbreaker.
Sunday night, Chris and I talked.
The dealbreakers are gone. My reasons for ending things no longer exist.
And guess what? He totally digs me. He was as sad as I was last week! Maybe even more so.
Time apart was good. I learned a lot of great stuff about myself. I learned that if things end, I will be just fine on my own. And I learned that I would soooo much rather make things work with Chris than be with someone else.
Here's the little song that I didn't want to let myself listen to. It puts me in a very good mood now.