Things have felt really dark lately. It's hard to write a gratitude blog when things feel so dark.
I've been tired and hopeless. Apathetic. Fuzzy. Unmotivated. And tired.
I finally bit the bullet Sunday night and asked my dad to help me pay to see a homeopathic doctor that I've come to trust.
He said he would.
The act of asking for help--the act of saying outloud, "I need help" was an important step.
I felt this burden descend and lift at the same moment. In allowing myself to recognize my need, I felt this shift.
On Monday, it took me all morning to get up the courage to call and make the appointment. Again, it was this difficult thing. Physically expressing that I needed help.
Monday night, I expressed to another friend my need.
This morning I went to the specialist and he diagnosed the problem and sent me home with stuff to help cure it.
I felt things start to work right away. I sat on my cleopatra lounge chair in the living room and immediately felt guilty for just "lounging", but my clearer mind took hold and reminded me of the good things I'd done this week and the many hours I'd worked. So I took heart and continued to relax.
Soon, I felt myself start to "expel". Much of my problems were in my uterus. I've been bleeding too much for too long. The medicine he gave me would help me to solve that problem. But first, my body had to get rid of the extra stuff. My uterus felt swollen with stuff. I could feel it in my belly swollen. I began to gush. So much so that I had to sit on the toilet. Then that became uncomfortable, so I sat in a bath. That became disgusting, so I stood in the shower as long as I could take it. After spending a couple of hours in the bathroom, I finally decided to just go and lay down. I felt the gushing had sort of stopped. And even if it hadn't--I wanted to lay down. I thought about needing food. Needing iron. Needing to get up and clean my apartment.
At that moment, my dad knocked on the door. I told him to wait in the living room, then I took another shower and put on some clothes.
I told him what was happening and he took me to a nice restaurant for some well cooked beef. Then he took me shopping where he bought me iron pills and other toiletries that I had run thru. Then he came back to my apartment and did all of my dishes and helped me feel like a functioning adult again.
The medicines have been at work for 11 hours now.
The fog is lifting. The bleeding has almost stopped entirely. My hope is restored. I feel like myself again.
All without surgery. Without poking, prodding, testing.
I was having gall bladder attacks on a regular basis, and he cured that a couple of years ago, without having to remove the gall bladder.
And now, instead of having a hysterectomy, he's helping to heal my uterus. He says it will take about ten days to really be cleared up. So, I'll report back my progress in ten days.
I am so grateful for an enlightened healer. He knows what he's doing. I wish I could describe the difference between how I felt towards life this morning and the hope I feel this evening.
I am grateful for my mom who sat with me on the phone while I was in the tub and encouraged me and laughed with me so I wouldn't feel alone in my misery.
I am grateful for my dad who showed up uninvited and took care of me today so I could face the real world tomorrow.
Sorry this post is gross.
Let me know if you want information on my homeopath. I am happy to give personal recommendations to anyone who feels like they could benefit.