A couple of years ago, I started going out with a guy from church. He was very nice, very together, and I felt like a lucky girl.
Two red flags stood out to me though. 1) He blamed his divorce--everything--on his ex-wife.
2) He made me feel I wasn't good enough.
One day, we were sitting in his car. He said to me, "This summer, we'll go on lots of hikes. Gotta work on getting rid of this." Then he patted me on my belly.
He patted me on my belly.
I was silent.
I didn't want to mess up a good thing.
Later that night, he asked me why I was upset.
By that time, I'd had a moment to get my thoughts together.
I told him that when dating a guy, I looked for two answers. 1) Who is he? 2) How does he make me feel? I told him I liked who he was--but I did not like how he made me feel.
A month later, he broke up with me.
A month after that, he married another woman.
Fast forward two years and some odd months.
A friend of mine just came over to vent about her ex-husband. She shows me his picture--and lo and behold--it's him!
I just spent the last hour listening to her share with me the battle her children are facing as they have testified against him--in two separate trials--one for each of the girls--on charges of sexual abuse.
Sometimes you want to know why the guy dumps you and chooses some other woman instead of you. You stupidly shake your fists at the heavens and complain and wonder and get all weepy...
Then you find yourself two years and some odd months later listening to a new friend tell you the struggles her girls are facing as they prepare for trial. You hear her vent and rage and shake her fists and then share all the things she is trying to do to help them to get through this.
I've known enough people who were guilty of sexual abuse in this state who never even went to trial. If the state wants to actually take him to trial twice--it's pretty likely he's guilty. But I'll refrain from saying his name until after the actual trial. (He's been arrested twice, in jail, gone through the pretrial phases, etc.)
Today, I am soooo grateful for unanswered prayers. I am grateful that I am single. And I'm grateful for the gut twinging experiences I had with him that helped me to realize that the things his ex-wife shared with me tonight are true.