Things are off for me today.
I can never seem to get ahead when it comes to money.
I just found out I have to pay back unemployment $129.
I got a ticket because the decal on my car is faded, so I have to pay $30 there.
But I have a job. I have a job.
I am grateful for opportunities to make money.
I need to make my life matter more. It just feels so mundane today.
Maybe it's the clouds. Maybe it's the fact that I see any sales bonuses disappearing into the abyss of new bills every time I think I might be able to get ahead.
Things just feel off.
I got called back for Brigadoon last night at Hale. I assumed I was called back for Meg. I'm not a dancer, so ensemble seemed out of reach for me. I'm larger than life. (That's a generous way of saying it...) I am happy to do ensemble--but most producers prefer ensemble cast members in a musical to be that triple threat--able to piroutte while belting a high C, with tears streaming down your smiling face.
I'm not that girl.
I'll blow you away, don't get me wrong, but choreographers generally do "special" things with me.
Cooper Howell has choreographed me walking for 16 counts. Turning, walking for 32 counts. Just walking. I love it! He gets me!
So when I arrived at call backs, I assumed it was because I was being considered for Meg, the funny girl. They announced last night who had been called back for Meg--and I wasn't on the list. I was called back for ensemble.
This makes no sense to me. But maybe I haven't quite grasped the concept of the show yet. Perhaps there will be a slew of non-dancing ensemble folks. If so, great! The choral arrangements in this show are absolutely heavenly!
I would love to do the show because it pays, because the singing is divine, and because there are a number of people on the production team that would be a delight to work with.
But I'm in that crazy limbo place where I'm just waiting to see what is happening--and I'm still in the throes of learning and preparing to knock em dead as Mrs. Mullin in Carousel.
I have a lot to be grateful for--but right now, I'm feeling that there's a lot to stress out about. Usually when it hits this point of stress, I just want to crawl in a hole and sleep for a week.
But--I have laundry done, I vacuumed, I have a new rug in the living room to hide the ugly stained carpet, I'm 2% points shy of the goal I set for the month of July at work, I am very close to having Carousel memorized, I have an opportunity to make some money freelance writing, and I'm helping to prepare an amazing Pioneer Day program at church next Sunday. All good things.
I have a lot to be grateful for, but as I read this bill and this ticket, I just don't feel very grateful as I waive goodbye to the happy moneys.
Things will improve.
Thanks for reading. (said in the voice of Eeyore.)